Last night I served asparagus, salmon, and brown rice to my family. It went over about as well as you can imagine. But the worst offender was CHRIS! THE ADULT. I kept giving him threatening eyes across the dinner table every time he almost made a joke about dinner. Finally, he couldn’t help it anymore when Bean grimaced as he ate a piece of asparagus.
“Nobody likes asparagus,” he told Bean. “We all eat it just because our mom’s make us.”
I rolled my eyes and made everyone (including Chris) take a bite of asparagus.
Later that night, Chris and I were in bed getting ready to turn off the light and he rolls over to face me.
“You served that wheat rice tonight,” he said. “That’s weird stuff.”
“Wheat rice? You mean BROWN rice?”
“Yeah. But isn’t it made of wheat?”
“No. No, it is not wheat. It is rice, you dork!”
“Really? It doesn’t grow in a wheat field?”
“NO! It grows in a rice paddy!”
“A rice paddy?!?! You’re making that up!” he laughed.
And then I stopped laughing because this was getting troublesome.
“Do you seriously not know what a rice paddy is?” I asked him.
“No. Is it like a field?”
So, I Googled rice paddy and showed him a picture.
“Oh, yeah. Those guys in those hats look familiar, he said, before proudly announcing, “But rice does grow on the stalk, like wheat!”
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you that.”
And then we sat there for a minute, giggling at this stupid conversation. Then, Chris stops giggling and says, “So, do they cut the big stalk down into small pieces like rice?”
“ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS, CHRIS? DID YOU JUST ASK ME IF THEY CUT OUT RICE GRAINS ONE AT A TIME FROM A BIG STICK?????”
At this point, we were dying laughing so hard that I thought we were going to wake the kids up.
When he caught his breath he said, “So, no?”
And that’s why we are ordering pizza for dinner tonight.