Busted by the Belly

Normally, I try to vary my blog topics every day so that you don’t have to read about the same thing over and over again.  But my belly is the only thing on my mind lately.  It is growing exponentially and I am completely fascinated by it.  Sure, the little guy growing in there is pretty cool, too, but the sheer size of my belly these days is spectacular on its own.  Let me see if I can explain the size of it…

I had this past Monday off of work for MLK Day, and since Chris didn’t, I spent the whole day by myself.  I love those days actually.  I can eat where and what and when I want.  I can shop.  I can take long leisurely showers and wear fun clothes.  Heaven.  Absolute Heaven.

On this particular day, I decided that I wanted Taco Bell for lunch.  Now, I have cut way back on my junk food intake since my first trimester ended.  When you feel that sick, you eat whatever sounds appealing in an effort to keep it down and if it’s Taco Bell you want, then its Taco Bell you should get.  But now that I’m in my second trimester, I haven’t been sick at all and I am able to eat anything.  So I’ve sort of run out of excuses to eat like a college kid on a midnight binge and I’ve been forced to make better food choices.  But on this particular day, nothing would do except a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell.  MMmmm….  So, I grab one through the drive thru, smother it in Fire Sauce and head off to the mall, munching as I drive.

When I got to the mall though, I continued to smell my Mexican Pizza everywhere I went.  Standing in line at Macy’s I started casually sniffing the woman next to me to see if by chance she had also had a Taco Bell craving that morning.  No such luck.  Browsing through Barnes and Noble, I smelled it so strongly that I was sure the teenage kid standing next to me had bathed in Fire Sauce, but I’m pretty sure he just smelled like cigarettes.  Finally, the only logical explanation was that I had spilled something on me in the car and was still carrying it around on somewhere.  But I gave myself a good once over and couldn’t find anything.  I was stain-free.

Where was that heavenly Taco Bell scent coming from?

Finally, after 3 hours of sniffing strangers, I found a restroom.  I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself a good once-over again.  Nothing.  But then….wait…was that?  Could it be?  Had I really?

Yes.  Yes, it was and yes I had really.  In the car I had apparently spilled some of my Mexican Pizza on my shirt under my belly and since my belly is so enormous these days, I couldn’t see what was going on down there.  Standing in front of the mirror, I could see a large clump of refried beans and taco sauce in the shadow of my oversized-baby-cooker.

Must escape.  Must escape now.

I booked it out of that restroom and straight out to my car, where I threw it into gear and flew home.  I was mortified, but I was also satisfyingly full.  And so I celebrated my large belly and good lunch with Oprah and a nice long nap on my couch because sometimes in life you just have to stop and smell the beans.