The Daddy Factor
If I haven’t made it clear enough already, Chris is a fantastic dad. He’s so natural at it that it seems like he’s been one his entire life. And the Bean is definitely a daddy’s boy. I mean, he seems to like me and all seeing as to how I FEED HIM AND CHANGE HIS NASTY DIAPERS ALL DAY (are ya getting this, Beaner?). But when his daddy is around, I haven’t got a chance.
And that’s where the problem starts.
After two full weeks with me and Beanie, Chris went back to work this week. He’s such a trooper that he still gets up to do a 2:00 AM feeding every night and then he gets up a few hours later at 5:00 AM to head to work in New York. He gets home every night around 6:30 and does the dinner feeding for the Bean, and then before we know it, I’ve gone to bed, the Beaner is sleeping, and Chris is left downstairs watching TV.
All week, I thought this was a great routine. It gave Chris time with the Bean. It gave me a break in the morning and late at night. And yet he still was getting his down time in the evenings to watch TV or play his video games.
But last night, Chris told me he was feeling the strain of our schedule. And it wasn’t the kind of strain that I thought it would be. He said it was really hard to leave me and the Bean every day. That he was tired from having to carry the weight at work and at home. And that he felt like he didn’t get to see me at all. It was like we were just passing the baby between us and then going separate ways. He said he was sure he just had to get used to the new routine, but that this first week had been really hard.
To be honest, I had never thought about it from Chris’ perspective. I bet that is really hard to have to leave every day and then wonder what you are missing at home. I bet it is really hard to have to give 100% at home and then 100% at work, too. While I get some down time during my day while the Bean sleeps, Chris is working a full day and then working a full night at our house, too.
And I miss him, too. The one thing we always said about having a baby was that we would still put our marriage first. When Chris and I are happy in our marriage, we make better parents. I’ve seen this through my own parents and its something I’m happy we are making an effort to bring into our own marriage.
So, last night putting my marriage first meant staying up with Chris. It meant losing an hour or two of sleep in exchange for sitting on the couch with him. Not because he needed it. But because we needed it. I expected to be zapped this morning. But, you know, I’m not really. I’m sure I’ll need an afternoon nap, but that’s a small price to pay for Chris.
As far as I can tell, this will be one of the parts of parenting that will take the most effort. But its an effort that needs to be made. Because good husbands are hard to find. And good fathers are even harder. So, a good husband AND good father in one? Well, that’s the Holy Grail.
11 Comments
andrea
you are lucky to have such a great husband that is also a great father to your child…just like me, i couldn’t ask for a better person to spend my life with. all the bean and daddy pics are great, i can’t figure out which is my fave. congrats again!!!
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
You’re a very lucky woman =) I love this post, the re-dedication, if you will. I know that the two of you will be so successful and so happy together as time passes and life settles.
Also, the pictures of your two boys together? Makes my ovaries sing. I WANT MY BABY NOW. RIGHT NOW. MUST SEE MY HUSBAND WITH A BABY LIKE THAT. Um. Yeah.
Heather
Beautifully written.
Sarah H.
Good job Chris! And to think he was freaking out so much beforehand, haha. Nice post, I’m sure he loves feeling appreciated 🙂 And just in time for Father’s Day!
Liz
I know exactly what you mean. Dave and I feel this way, too. He only got 3 days off work, and those were the ones we spent in the hospital. It’s crazy how easy it is to forget to stop and hug. The hugs really help for me. 🙂
Beth
What a wonderful statement of how marriages can last. Happy early Father’s Day Chris!
Eighmey
My husband and I went through the same thing when our son was first born. It does become more of a challenge to make sure you are taking time for you two, and not just the Bean. At least you guys realized that early. Congrats with everything, and I hope you three have a great weekend!
Kate
Hey Katie,
My name is Kate (I’m from Alberta, Canada, for your own crazy curiosity :-)) and I just want to tell you how much I LOVE your blog! I love reading all your posts, and my boyfriend and I love the posts of your dogs, especially the last one where you had them discussing whether or not the Bean was going to be staying.
Happy First Father’s Day (a bit early) to Chris. I hope you 5 have a great day!
Marla
It looks like Chris is doing an amazing job, but I can imagine he’s totally exhausted. I’m glad you are taking time just for you too.
Laura
This is a wonderful post! I love it when wives put their husband first! There is definitely a time of transition when baby first gets home, but our time together is so needed. One day our little ones will leave us and then we will have each other…
Jen
Amazing post! I think I’m going to go cuddle with my husband and show him how much I appreciate the help he’s given me with Ellie….