Finding the Balance
This past weekend we had some of our favorite people over for dinner. The menu?
Need I say more?
I didn’t think so.
Chris cooked these awesome ribs on the grill and I heated up store bought baked beans. Oh, and I put a serving spoon in the plastic tub of store bought potato salad, too. And then I set the table with plastic plates and paper towels. And I gave people fresh bottles of beer.
Just call me Martha Stewart. All my friends do.
It was our first time having a house full of guests since the Bean’s been here. We’ve had small groups of people over, but never this many at one time. I was a little worried that he would be overwhelmed.
But he fit right in. Wherever we were, whatever we were doing, Bean was right there with us.
Just hanging out. Like a big dude.
We’d just set up a little station for him in whatever room we were in and he was good to go. He’s almost four months old now, so his vision is a lot better. That means that he really likes just sitting somewhere and watching what’s going on. He’d listen to us talk. Sometimes he’d talk, too. But mostly, he just chilled.
He chilled and he stared a Lovely Linda. Its hard not to stare at Lovely Linda.
She’s lovely.
I think Beanie was smitten.
Most of our close friends live in New York and getting them together at our house in Connecticut usually happens at the last minute about once a month.
Its sometimes just one or two people who come up for the entire weekend, usually leaving on the 6:00 AM train Monday morning. And sometimes its a big group of ten or so people who come up for one big dinner and end up spending the night…and the next night…and the next night.
I love having them here, but since the Bean was born, I have sort of been dreading this weekend. Not this exact weekend really, but the first weekend that we all got together with the baby. Would it change the group? Would people talk to us differently? Would we be parents now instead of Chris and Katie? Would we be able to do the things we’d always done?
But it wasn’t weird at all. It was great. Beanie just felt like an extension of me and Chris. Not an addition. Not something that changed who we were to our friends. He was just another part of who we are. He wasn’t the center of attention. He wasn’t a conversation stealer. He was just part of our group. At times it felt like he’d been there all along.
Sure, some things were different. Our friend, Brett, most likely would not have washed his hands quite so much before.
And Justin probably would have said a few more curse words if the Bean hadn’t been there.
And when we sat down to dinner and held hands to say the blessing, I don’t think we had ever thanked the Good Lord for healthy babies before.
But all things considered, those are pretty good changes to make, I guess.
I’m learning as Beanie grows. In the beginning, I used to have to focus all my attention on him. I wasn’t used to changing a diaper and so I had to really pay attention when I did it. I wasn’t used to making bottles and packing a diaper bag and so I had to concentrate really hard when I did. But as time has gone on, I’ve become more comfortable in my Mom Skin. Most of the time, I can tell when he’s about to have a meltdown and I can head it off before it explodes. I know when he’s going to be hungry and when he’s going to want to take a nap. I know when he wants to play and when he just needs some swing time.
So when our friends are here, I can actually focus on them. I can be part of the conversation AND feed Beanie. I can sit outside with everyone AND rock him to sleep. I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be one or the other.
That’s such a good feeling. And a relief, too.
The afternoon that our friends left, Chris and I were cleaning the house while Beanie slept in his swing. Chris stopped for just a minute and took me by the hand.
“I had fun with you this weekend,” he said.
“Yeah, me too.”
“We’ve got a pretty good life, huh?” he asked.
“The best,” I said.
And he squeezed my hand and went back to collecting beer bottles from our deck. I watched him for just a minute, smiling to myself.
Later that afternoon, after I gave Beanie his bottle, we both took a long nap. It had been a really great weekend, but we were worn out. As I drifted off to sleep, I dreamed about family vacations and future holiday weekends that we would spend with our good friends and I was so happy that Beanie would grow up knowing them.
I think Beanie dreamed about Lovely Linda.
18 Comments
TeamHaynes
Oh my goodness that is just the best napping picture ever! I love it! So glad you got to relax with some friends. Linda is so lovely. Its nice to find people that are good inside and out. You have officially made me crave ribs. I’m just getting over the mexican pizza craving you created forever ago. Here we go again! I don’t know how to make them so this might be a little easier this time.
Way to be a pro mom now!
Danimezza
sigh… wonderful post 🙂 I seriously feel like you’re a far-away kindred spirit. Congrats on stretching out your Mum Skin… I’m still learning to squeeze into mine, Aidan is 4 weeks old tomorrow.
I’ve been worried about the same thing, how the dynamic will change amongst our group of friends. Steve and I were already the only married couple (actually the only couple) and we were treated differently, mainly out of respect for our space… but a baby is a whole new ball game. I’ve organised a picnic for our friends to meet him this Sunday and I’m really hoping it goes well and our friends realise we’re not on another planet… we’re just a bit more tired 🙂
Katie
Chris and I are in the same boat. We are the only one of our friends who are married, have steady jobs, are homeowners, etc. At times it can make us feel worlds apart and I thought the Bean might just push us into another galaxy. But just like its been fun to watch my marriage grow with the Bean, seeing changes in our friends has been fun, too. Good luck at your picnic. What a sweet idea!! – Katie
Ashley
I can’t wait to be married with a baby and have friends come over!! So glad that you all had a wonderful time!! Beanie looked like he really enjoyed everyone as well!! LOVE the sleeping picture 🙂
whitney
Such a sweet post. I’m glad Beanie will grow up knowing your friends. They seem like great ones. 🙂
Christina
So wonderful…what a great perspective to end up with!
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is
This is such a great blog! I love detailing the funny parts of marriage as I am a newleywed. I have some funny stories on my blog as well!
Camille
Well, I’ll be dreaming about the ribs.
Emily
I’m just going to pretend like your husband’s not wearing a Florida shirt (that’s who Univ. of KY is playing this weekend) so that I can still be a fan of you guys!
Katie
Oh, it gets worse. He dresses the Bean up in that crap, too. As an FSU alum, it breaks my heart. – Katie
Kate
This is so nice to hear! As my husband and I inch closer and closer to getting pregnant, I think our days of our house being the “hang out spot” are numbered. But it’s so great to see how Beanie has fit right into your life.
naomi
That’s what has happened with my close group of 8 friends as well. One of the couples had a son this time last year and he has become just one of the gang. However his smiles and giggles are definitely the highlight of the times we get together.
Casey
I am digging the Gators shirt… woohoo!
Janet
This was great! My husband and I have been married for four years now and are starting to try for a baby. We often talk about wanting to be able to still be involved in community after kids. It seems like you guys were really able to relax and enjoy your friends! You’ll probably be better spouses/parents for it!
holly your biggest fan, but not fattest.
youre the best.
i SO wish i was one of your lucky new york friends.
and i wish my husband would take me by the hand and say something like that.
and i wish i bought potato salad instead of freakin’ making it this weekend because it was so wreched.
and i wish that i had a bean at my parties.
your life really IS perfect.
Linda
OK..I am an avid reader on Confessions and have yet to make any comments…But I feel now that I must. I just want to tell you and Chris that Brett and I did wonder what it would be like with the Bean this visit, not worried, just curious. Well the answer is it was fantastic. You both showed me how it €™s absolutely possible to continue being yourselves, fantastic hosts, and wonderful parents. And just so you know €¦I €™m dreaming of Michael as well. He €™s a heartbreaker.
Katie
Thanks, Lovely Linda. You just made my day!
Queen of Quirky
What a lovely evening the three of you throw. Awww beanie. He’s got the good life.