Practically Practical
Our move to Florida is so darn exciting. I can’t wait to live closer to my parents. I can’t wait to have Chris’ sister over for dinner. I can’t wait to see my Grandma more often. I can’t wait to see sunshine and warmer temperatures. I can’t wait to see Chris step into a role that he has always wanted in his career.
But before any of these things can happen, I have to accept a few things first. And those few things aren’t easy pills to swallow. They are worthy of the weight they put on me because it will be worth it all in the long run, but right now it just feels like a weight.
First, the saying goodbye to people has started. And that just sucks. There’s no way to sugar coat it and I haven’t been able to find the silver lining on that part yet. It just plain stinks to say goodbye to people. Chris and I have loved living in Connecticut, so far from everything and everyone we grew up with and around, because it gave us independence. But we truly, honestly could not have made it the five years we’ve been up here had it not been for certain, special people. People who supported us with their friendship and encouraged us with their kindness. We have truly been blessed with wonderful people while we’ve been here and saying goodbye to them – to each and every one of them – breaks little pieces of my heart. I know that with technology these days its not like we’re saying goodbye for forever. And I know that Chris and I will visit and that some of them will even visit us, but its just not the same.
And that makes me very, very sad. There’s not another word for it. No better way to say it. It just makes me so very sad.
While saying goodbye to our friends weighs on my heart, quitting my job weighs heavily on my shoulders. I haven’t been unemployed since I was sixteen years old. I have never left one job without having another one lined up. And that reality now – especially during this economy – is hitting me hard. Chris and I quit two good-paying jobs and sold our beautiful house to move to a place where we have a rental home for six months and one job lined up. I keep telling myself that this is just part of the transition – I’ll find a job and we’ll buy when we get in the area – but it is still such an unsettling thought. We have a stable, solid foundation here in Connecticut and we are leaving that during one of the worst recessions in my lifetime. While we are financially able to do this right now, this is not a decision that is like Chris and I to make. We are practical, rational people. We look before we leap. We plan ahead and we make good decisions. We prepare for rainy days and we expect the worst and hope for the best.
We have three savings accounts for crying out loud.
So, the idea of us leaving the stable comfort of our first home to head out into a sea of the unknown just makes my stomach churn.
Everyone is asking me if I’m excited. They want to talk to me about palm trees and suntans. And I have those things on my mind, too, and I’m so excited about them that I sometimes swear I can smell coconut. But before I can celebrate that arrival in Florida, I have to prepare for my departure here in Connecticut. And the logistics of that have given me a minor case of cold feet.
But maybe the worst part about the cold feet is that I can’t really talk to anyone about it. I feel like since I asked Chris to do this, I need to be the constant cheerleader for this decision. As if momentary cold feet or moments of hesitation are going to undo everything. So, instead of talking about how these things are really bothering me and weighing on me, I just smile and laugh and make jokes about being neighbors with Mickey Mouse. And I think that adds even more weight because I am not normally a private person. I don’t normally keep a sane thought to myself (or insane ones either, for that matter…). And not talking about how scared I am I think is making the situation even worse in my head.
So, tonight I am going to talk to Chris about this. I’m going to tell him that I’m scared. That I sometimes worry we are making the wrong decision. That I feel lost without a job and without a permanent home. And I know he’s going to want to talk to me about how irrational those things are and how we made this decision together and how its the right one for our family. But I’m still going to talk about these things. Because they are on my mind. And because talking helps me think through situations. And because in these situations, you have two choices.
You can deal with them alone, in your own head where they get bigger and bigger and take on a mind of their own. Or you can talk through them – however irrationally – with your spouse and together the two of you can bring those fears down to size.
I am so nervous and scared that I’ve gotten myself frozen. Unable to pack and take care of details because I can’t give anything my full attention before these fears begin to weigh on me. And so tonight, I’ll talk them over with Chris and then tomorrow I will be able to move past them and on to sunshine and tan lines.
37 Comments
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is
Sending good vibes your way – it is a difficult decision, but think about the Bean! 🙂
Hannah Beth
It’s tough, but exciting. I left a wonderful job, amazing friends, a church I loved, a house I owned and just a really great LIFE to move 1,000 miles to marry my love. No job, living in his MOM’S rental property, no ties to MN. It’ll be 2 years in May, and while I miss Atlanta every day, sometimes I can’t believe how glad I am to be here. Tough, but worth it! Good luck with your move!
Nancy
Oh, boy. We are totally in similar places right now. The biggest difference is that I quit my job after my first trimester with Alice but I had the same pangs of guilt– putting the financial burden on my husband so that I could be a SAHM. We also just recently packed up our lives and made a long-distance move. We’re closer to my parents now but further away from my sisters and my husband’s parents.
But your fears don’t mean you aren’t doing the right thing. It’s hard to go wrong when you follow your heart and instincts, and you have the support of your loved ones. Talk to Chris and you’ll see– you are absolutely doing the right thing!
Andrea
I’ve never been in a situation where I had to say good-bye because I was the one leaving (it was always the other way around!) so I am coming from NO EXPERIENCE in my comment 🙂 There’s a part of me that’s really jealous. Weird, right? I think I’ve always romanticized the possibility of packing everything up, moving and starting over somewhere else… sigh… at least you can’t say you’re trapped by “stability”! Good luck with your move!
Dana
(I am double commenting in one day – am I out of control??)
As an army wife, I know the feelings of doubt and uncertainty that come with a move all too well. The good-byes are always so hard. And even though we don’t have a lot of choice in our moves, it is always full of stress and worry. And my husband and I have to keep talking it through. Sometimes I cry and I am scared, and he listens. We always look at it like we are on a team. Our family against the world! As long as we have each other, everything else will “come out in the wash,” as my grandmother used to say.
Thinking of all of you at this crazy but exciting time!
Katie
Thank you, Dana. I don’t know how you do this. Thanks for the encouragement. Coming from an Army wife, I feel like that’s coming from a professional!
earthtone
I can imagine how stressful all these is. The saying goodbye must be hard. I admire you both for your courage to make this decision. Fearing for the unknown is part of the package. I guess you know in your hearts this is the thing to do.
Just wanna show some support here so that you’d find some strength to go pack your stuffs now!
Cindy
Katie it is totally normal for you to feel that way. If you didn’t feel that way I would worry about you. You obviously didn’t take all of this lightly– you talked it through with your spouse and made a decision for your family that in the long run will be the best decision ever.
Ever since I graduated from college I have lived in KY which is 450 miles from my family. I was married to someone who was from Northern Indiana but we divorced. I remarried someone whose family lives here and it has definitely made things easier because I have not only friends to depend on but his family. Now we are talking about moving even farther away from my family and it scares the crap out of me. I have joked about wanting to move to a warmer climate but that will also mean I will leave all of my support system behind. So I definitely know where you are coming from. Everything is going to work out in the end:)
Katie
It is so hard to move away from your safety net! I have been in Central Florida (closer to the east coast) for three years now. We moved away from family for a job, so it’s a little opposite of your situation. It does take awhile to get used to the sun shining constantly, but the people are really nice and I think that it will help immensely to have your family with you. I know we are strangers, but we are a young couple just a few minutes away, so if there is anything we can do to help, let me know!
Amy
Katie, I can’t imagine how tough this decision has been, but I think talking it out with Chris will definitely help BOTH of you. I’m praying for you!
Keshet
I think it’s good you’re talking to him. Just because you wanted this move doesn’t mean it isn’t hard, and he can’t help you with the hardness if he doesn’t know how you’re feeling. I love how honest you are in your blog–marriage is all about these big things we do for each other, and that plays out in complicated ways. It’s so interesting and helpful to get another perspective.
sparkly jules
I’m moving to another state to TAKE a job–there aren’t any in California. My husband is staying in California to finish a temp job probably through June.
It’s not just the worst economic climate in your lifetime, but since the Great Depression. If we didn’t have all the safety nets now that we do (like unemployment and food stamps), it would be a depression, I am convinced.
Good luck. Maybe you should just plan on being a SAHM for a while?
Good luck.
Jules
Brooke
You are entering an uncertain time, but I bet you’ll find he’ll become the cheerleader and make you feel better about it! I’m brand new to your blog, but you guys seem pretty open and like you’re able to talk openly. I say, “good for you” for getting it out in the open! You’ll feel better about it.
Kelly @ The Startup Wife
Saying goodbye sucks. There’s no way around that. But, having been through many many difficult goodbyes, I have found one small upside–the most painful goodbyes are usually a testament to the relationship you’ve developed with another person. It’s hard to leave BECAUSE of the amazing friendships you’ve built, and all the memories and history and ways you’ve been there for each other.
Hope your talk w/ Chris goes well! It’ll be good to be honest.
Kelly @ The Startup Wife
PS I know you won’t regret your choice. 🙂 Living near family is absolutely incomparable. Blows a good job/good house to smithereens.
kimberly loomis
We went through a similar situation of a really big thing happening in our lives and having NO ONE with whom to talk about it.
Ours was from leaving a church we had helped plant and served at for three years and our leaving due to being mistreated and hurt.
We decided that we did not want, in any way, be divisive or bring anyone with us and so, we didn’t talk about it. We nearly imploded.
Finally we confided in friends who gave us permission and promised they could handle it because they were outside the situation but close enough that they could understand. I cannot tell you how much that helped, deep down in our souls.
Some things don’t have a silver lining. They just suck. But most of those things only suck for now. They get better because you find out what they meant to you and your life and the situations either improve or evolve or fade away and you realize they weren’t that important anyway.
I’ll be praying for you guys, your Bean, your dogs, your new home, your old friendships, your new jobs, new friendships and, of course, your marriage!
kimberly loomis
I would like to point out that I had a two and a half year old who should be in bed talking my ear off while I was writing that comment…my grammar and usage of punctuation is not usually that bad!!! 😀
Lisa
Despite all the fear and uncertainty, it will definitely be worth it to be close to family. You will just need some time to settle into your new life and then you’ll be happy you’re there. Its great that you will talk to Chris about it, I’m sure you’ll find that he is going through similar things too and at least you can get it off your chest!
Sarah@crazylovegamblestyle.com
I am sorry you are scared but it is such a normal reaction to this kind of change. There is a reason all of this is happening, you will not regret it. You are going to be around your family and they will support you in anyway you need. It will all be worth it. Don’t worry about not having a job for a bit, Bean is there to entertain you & your husband is perfectly capable of taking care of your family. Show him that you believe in him by trusting him to do that. It is scary not having a job but with your writing and saving money on daycare and Chris working I am sure you can pull it off. Sometimes it is our sacrifices that really define who we are. You may find in the end that this is the little push you needed to dive, head first, into your writing career.
Kendra
Katie~
These feelings are completely normal. Focus on the future and how Chris now has his dream job and you will be so close to your family. Your best support system will now be much closer. You will find a job when that time comes to start looking or you will just end up with more time to write!
Shana
Katie, you are going to be fine…more than fine. You are going to go there and be surrounded by family! Can you even believe it!? Maybe Chris’ job will be even more awesome than you thought.
Enjoy your break from work…enjoy exploring your new hometown and enjoy spending a lot of time with Bean 🙂 A job will come along and maybe it will be more than you could ever imagine!
Sue V.
“I have never left one job without having another one lined up.”
You have another job lined up, you’ve had it since Bean arrived. It wont help the family finances, but it will do so much more. Bean doesn’t know yet what is to come. The move will turn his world upside down, but the one thing that will remain constant is you. You will be there when nothing else in his world is the same. Don’t think of it as being unemployed – you will be working – you’re just being payed in slobbery kisses, happy squeals, and a love like no other.
Caitlin
Good luck! Sometimes just saying the stuff that is scary and weighing you down out loud can make it dissipate (even just a little). I think being a little scared is appropriate here, you’re making MAJOR life changes. Even doing them for all the right reasons with lots of support, making changes like that is still a little scary. Plus, without a job for a little while there will be more time for sunbathing 😉
Maureen
I know how you feel about moving. It’s been two years since I left Vegas and I still miss it a lot. It’s not necessarily the place itself that I miss but the friends, and just the feeling of happiness I had when I lived there. It’s hard, making a whole new life for yourself, but hopefully it will all fall into place one day.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Hugs to you Katie. Change – even welcome change – is hard. And moving? Right up there with death in the family in terms of the stress it causes. You’ve got some challenges ahead so keep communicating!
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I can identify a little with how you are feeling. When Aaron and I moved to Tallahassee, I had no job lined up–for the first time EVER. For me, starting a new gig was always the reason why I moved. And coming from working a pretty intense job to having no job was super hard to deal with on top of planning a wedding and living in a new place that geographically was so different than living in New England. It was rough, but I managed. And a job turned up. It takes patience, but together you and Chris will work it out. And just when you may think you are going to lose it, the universe will open up and hand you something wonderful. Just you wait!
Casey
I was scared to death when we moved back to Florida from Georgia. We bought our first home (in Florida) before we moved, which gave me awful stress headaches. We both had jobs lined up, but I was changing careers completely. I had given up the career that I had gone to grad school for (advertising), and there wasn’t a lot of opportunity in that career where we live now. What if I didn’t like my new career? But, Hubby helped me through it. He reassured me that we had made the right decision and that no matter what happened, we were going to be close to our families… and that is all that mattered.
Nate's Mom
It is sad, but it will also be amazing to see what your friendships will transform into when you leave. I have so many dear friends from places we lived before and when we visit or pick up the phone, it’s as if time hasn’t passed at all. Besides, your blog is a wonderful connector to your friends and family (and your extended friends and family in the internet village…). Adventures are always slightly scary but very exhilarating and I can’t wait to see the wonderful things that life has in store for you, Chris, Bean and the pups.
Megan
I seriously think we need to become BFF’s!
My hubby and I got married and two days later moved to North Carolina from Oklahoma. We lived there two years and moved to Arkansas. We lived there for a year and a half and moved to Maryland which is where we are now. Moving is HARD, HARD, HARD and after three moves in four and a half years you’d think I’d be better at it. But the Maryland move has been the hardest one yet. I think it is because we have Q-Tip now and we are far away from “home” again. Although I know my home is with Farm Boy and Q-Tip…and I am SO thankful that we moved away right after we got married…it is HARD after you have a baby.
I can totally relate to your sadness in saying goodbye. We left good friends in NC and good friends in AR. And I can totally relate to you keeping it all in. We move for Farm Boy’s job…so I feel like I need to “put on a happy face” so he doesn’t feel guilt for moving us all over creation. I love him…and I am proud of him…and I want him to be successful in his job…but it is hard for me. And I keep it all in so he doesn’t feel bad and then I go to Crazyville for awhile…and then crawl back and try to re-group.
I can tell you this…it is easier when you know you are going to be close to family. At least you have them for support. But I’m going to be honest and tell you…moving is moving is moving…you may still go through a “Moving Funk” as I like to call it. Cause it is still change…even though it’s a good change when you are going to be closer to family…and change is hard.
I’ll say a prayer for you!
Megan
Oh yes…and you are right…technology is a wonderful thing and you will be able to keep up with your friends! And you can always meet them at the Outer Banks for a week in the Summer and stay in one of those awesome beach houses! 🙂
I LOVE that we have people everywhere that love us and love our Q-Tip.
Ashley
Hang in there. The unknown is scary but you have a great husband and a beautiful son to be with, and that will make things easier. You definitely have to talk about the hard things, even when you feel like you shouldn’t.
You’ll get through this. It sounds like this was meant to me, and whatever’s meant to be always finds a way to work out. I believe it. I’m praying for you guys!
kay
it will all be worth it with family around. sunday family dinners, last minute get togethers, just hanging with the sister, mother or whoever. my family is the best and i would walk across the world to live by them! at the same time i think living in where you do now would be amazing. but family wins! good luck.
Tiffany
It’s a rough decision, but from what it sounds like you and Chris have gone through together, I know you can both handle it. Good luck, and don’t forget to enjoy Florida and having all the family around!
Kate
Saying goodbye is never easy (unless you just don’t like the people and can’t wait to be far away from them!) but you just have to continue to look on the bright side. You made a careful decision, and now it will be best for you not to look back! As far as a house, it’s a buyer’s market you know, so that shouldn’t be a problem. I know the job market isn’t great, but you’ve saved, Chris has a job, and your family is around so just try your best to enjoy this little break you have. Definitely talk to Chris about your fears, that’s what he’s there for and it will make you feel so much better. Good luck with your move, I know you won’t regret it 🙂
Erin
Katie, I know what you guys are about to do is very scary and sad. It is totally healthy to feel the way you do, I seem to take it as a sign of making a RIGHT decision. I look at it that if any decision can cause that wide a range of emotions it must be right.
Heather
I could say lots of things like “oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine”… and you probably will be. But that doesn’t make what you are doing any less difficult, and any less scary. I admire your strength do to this, and your ability to listen to and follow your heart and to God, even when neither seem to make any sense at all. As far as the not-having-a-job factor, I can completely relate. I have always been the breadwinner in our relationship, and to go from that to having NO job would be terrifying. But I think it’s the unknown aspects of a situation that make it so scary, and sometimes the only thing you can do to make yourself feel more comfortable is to jump right in and experience the situation that you are so terrified of- and find out it’s not so bad after all. Keep us posted on your progress and your move, we are all rooting for you!
Suzanne
This is too funny to me, I have been thinking and second guessing my husband and my decision to move to Germany (he’s in the Air Force, time for a new base), because of your decision to move to be closer to family and here we are moving ours across the ocean! I felt guily and thought I might be a bad mother for doing it and thought Wow..they are willing to step up to the plate for their Bean, are we the worst parents?? I’m glad you have found clarity and it’s ok that its in the form of a Easter delight!
I’m ok with our decision as well….I will miss our families like crazy and will probably second guess myself here and there, but I think this is an opportunity I can’t just pass up..to be able to see the world that they might not have seen otherwise…to learn first hand.
Thanks again for the laughs and the posts that make me think!