How Elvis Fell in Love With Me

When I first moved to Florida, there was a snake in my driveway and I hit it with my car and you all shamed me for the brutal murder.  Remember that?

Ever since that post and all the comments about how I really should have just left the snake alone because snakes are people, too…

(Wait a minute…That’s not right…)

Anyway, I thought long and hard about it and decided you all were right.  Snakes are friends, not food.

So, I have made every effort to live in peace with my reptilian neighbors.  Thankfully, I haven’t seen another snake yet but I have seen quite a few lizards and though I have screamed until I’m sure their tiny little lizard ears fell off, I haven’t harmed a one of ’em.

Lately though, I’ve noticed that there is one lizard that keeps hanging around.  He hangs out near my back door and I see him almost every day.  And, he’s huge.

He freaks me out, but I am trying my hardest to get used to him.  I figure, maybe if he had a name it wouldn’t be so bad.  Like, maybe I could actually think of him as a pet.  So, I named him Elvis.  Now, whenever I walk outside and he’s sitting there, I scream bloody murder, jump back into my house, pant a lot, and then slowly open the door and whisper, “He-he-hello, Elivs…”  I figure if I keep doing that, eventually I’ll drop the screaming and jumping and panting part of that routine.

But then this weekend it was like Elvis wanted me to take our relationship to a whole new level.  He wanted me to meet his family.  And I was unprepared.

I have a house plant that I have somehow managed to keep alive and on sunny days I set her out in my back yard so she can get some sun.  She had been outside for a few days last week, so on Saturday I brought her inside for some AC.  Every lady needs a little AC in here life, right?

I put her in my kitchen sink and gave her lots of water.  And what do you think jumped out of my beautiful house plant while I was giving her the Drink of Life?

This guy…

(ignore the dirty sink – I was in the middle of cleaning my kitchen when this happened)

Elvis introduced me to his much smaller brother, Costello.

And I proceeded to freak the crap out.

There was much screaming and much jumping and much panting.  And as I made quite a scene, little Costello kept trying to climb up out of my sink.  But it didn’t take either of us long to figure out that he couldn’t make it up the deep sides, which terrified Costello but made me feel much better about my current predicament.

Finally, I decided that this was Elvis testing me.  He wanted to see how I really felt about him and my new relationship with reptiles.  Was I just about the appearance of loving all God’s scaley creatures or was I really committed?

I’ll show you how serious I am, Elvis! I thought.

And so I grabbed a cup and tried to scoop Costello out of the sink.  But Costello apparently wasn’t crazy about this idea because he began to freak the crap out.  He started wiggling and running and jumping and…oh, it was awful!

Especially when I realized somewhere in the process, I had accidentally cut off the tip of Costello’s tail when trying to trap him in the cup.  And – funny thing – did you know that a lizard’s tail CONTINUES TO WIGGLE AFTER IT HAS BEEN SEVERED??????

Not cool.  So totally not cool.

Now, I’m screaming and jumping and panting all over again and I swear I thought I saw Elvis hanging his head in disappointment through my kitchen window.

At this point, Bean has realized something is happening in the kitchen and so he had made his way into the kitchen wielding – what else? – his plastic golf club which he uses to beat things such as our television, our couches, and Big Molly.

To save Costello from Bean’s dangerous golf club, I…(are you ready for this???)…

REACHED INTO THE SINK AND GRABBED HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!

That’s right.  I grabbed him with my hands, ran screaming through my house to my back door, and threw him out into the yard.

I stood there, panting and cursing and just about in tears when who should come strolling across the porch but Elvis.  He stopped in front of me, we fist pumped, and I went back inside.

In short, I basically think Elvis is in love with me.

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50 Thoughts to “How Elvis Fell in Love With Me”

  1. I don’t think I could handle it! I really don’t like bugs or animals, and I think I’d probably freak over any lizard of any kind!

  2. Oh my Gosh this was the most hilarious thing I have ever read!! I would have totally ran out screaming bloody murder and not gone back in the house until it was gone… which is why I live in North Dakota where we don’t have creepy crawly things like that hanging around.

  3. Okay, first of all, I did NOT have a problem with you running the snake over. Yeah, yeah…snakes are God’s creatures and all that, but they are gross. I would have done the same thing, because my only other option would have been to walk around my yard KNOWING that there is a giant snake lurking nearby. Sick.

    Second, I would have died. Literally, fallen on the floor, dead in my kitchen in this lizard scenario. Go you for not dying.

  4. Ok, that is hilarious, and so sweet that Bean was going to protect you with his mighty golf club.

  5. You are my hero. I don’t think I could have touched a lizard with my bare hands. MAYBE with gloves on, but NOT with my bare hands.

  6. That was an incredibly entertaining read. When we first moved into our house there were lizards EVERYWHERE. They have since learned that my cats will throw them around and play with them until they are on the brink of death but never actually kill them, so they stopped coming around.

  7. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😛

  8. Ha, you fist pumped! I love it! I am scared of lizards, too…I am not sure I could have done what you did, but hey, you needed to save your baby.

  9. Oh, Florida. There really should be a warning about the lizards when you decide to move here! Coming from Kentucky, a much less lizardy (like that word?) state, I had NO idea that lizards dropped their tails as a defense mechanism. So the first time I tried to get a lizard out of my apartment and it’s tail fell off and kept wiggling, I screamed bloody murder. Now we live near a pond and there are constantly lizards on our porch. Luckily, they like to stay outside because I have a feeling I would still scream bloody murder if I had to catch another one:)

  10. That’s hilarious. I love that you fist pumped at the end. Because that’s how you roll…

  11. morgan

    Omigosh they are so cute! Id love to have this problem. I had house centipedes at my last place. Id have gladly traded for a cute lizard infestation.

    Ps: these little guy’s tails are detachable. Its a defense mechanism if a predator gets a hold of em he will just grow another one. Like a starfish.

  12. HAHA. That is funny (sorry to laugh at your expense). Just wait until Bean starts bringing you home “pets”! I definitely brought home random things and my mom was wonderful enough to let me keep some of them, outside of course. Lizards, frogs, and even a clam (I dug a freshwater clam up out of our stream out back) and I thought it was the coolest thing to have “my own pets”

    Cabin Fever in Vermont

  13. This post makes Oklahoma suddenly look amazing. Although, we have RATTLE SNAKES! Ugh.

    I think you should check out this article: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/episodes/invasion-of-the-giant-pythons/introduction/5532/

    Those snakes are not friends.

    Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com

  14. hilarious! I recently heard that lizards tails are detachable so they can more easily escape from predators. And after they snap off and wiggle, they grow a new one.

    But the wigglying. Gross. I screamed and fainted on the porch at my house recently when I was sweeping and I noticed a snapped-tail that was wigglying. Only, at that time I didn’t know the story about the tails coming off and then growing again so I thought that I was soon to find a dead tail-less lizzard too!

  15. Jess

    Good for you!! Conquering your fear one little bit at a time!! Even seeing it on the computer screen, I was feeling a mix of “Aw, that’s kinda cool” and “holy crap ew!”

  16. 1) That snake was clearly a case of him vs. you. You had no choice.
    2) You need to move.

  17. Alicia

    Oh my gosh….that was hilarious. I also had no problem at all with the snake. I would have done the same thing. I would have been calling someone to get the lizard out of the sink for me…..after I had put something over the sink to make sure that it didn’t get out.

  18. You make me laugh!! I hate lizards and my 3 year old son thinks they are awesome. We have these nude colored gecko like lizards that hang out on our porch. I have had to become strong for my son. It’s hard…I don’t think I could ever touch one with my hands.

  19. Beanie's Nana

    Two words here: Garbarge Disposal

  20. Lisa in OKC

    I managed to hold in my laughter until the very end when you “fist pumped” Elvis… then I busted out laughing in front of my co-workers.

  21. Anne

    Love your story but you are so much better than me. I still can’t not scream, jump on the nearest counter top and freak out until someone else comes to save the critter (yes, I pant too). I don’t care how big or how small. Gooooo, Katie!

  22. Oh my god, you grabbed it with your bare hand!
    I’m impressed that in the middle of screaming you had the time to grab the camera and snap a picture of Costello.
    Love that tough guy bean came to your rescue with the golf club, you need a picture of that next time. 🙂

  23. Trinity

    This made my day

  24. Oh my! When we were at Ft. Stewart, GA for a while, we were covered up in lizards and frogs. If they got in the house, I would cover them with a piece of tupperware and wait for my husband to come home (or when he was deployed, I would call a neighbor, who would make fun of me while getting the lizard OUT). You are tougher and braver than me! I may have let Bean go nuts with the golf club!

  25. dear katie,
    on a strict evolutionary survival of the fittest scenario i would die immediately. i’m impressed with your fortitude. sometimes we have no other choice. and i hate that. i really like choices.
    love, melissa

  26. Wow, you’re a champ! Wish you coulda been there in India with us, where I discovered multiple house lizards are so common… umm yikes! I found one lurking on the BEDPOST!!! Talk about nightmares…

  27. kay

    i think elvis was testing the waters to see how you would be if you had to raise his children. my guess is you failed and now elvis just wants to be your friend. he’ll have to find a new step mommy for costello. you can now breath a sigh of relief!

  28. Lisa

    LOL this is a funny post. I actually don’t mind lizards, I think they’re pretty cool. They are all over the place in Dubai, and they’re usually more scared of you then you should be of them! Make peace with Elvis and his family, I’d choose him over a family of spiders any day!!!!

  29. Sarah C. H.

    Haha, I learned the lizard tail thing when I was about four. We used to catch them for fun (they are pretty cute) and I caught one by the tail and it just popped right off and kept squirming in my hand. I FREAKED out. Somehow I managed not to be freaked out by lizards in general after that incident.

  30. Jessica

    hahaha I would have totally freaked out also…and maybe even trapped him in a cup until my fiance came home to get rid of him 😉
    Props to you for your bravery haha

  31. Laura

    I’m happy to hear that you’ve changed your thoughts regarding reptiles; the snake killing post disturbed me deeply.

    Lizards are amazing, I wish we had wild lizards where I live.

  32. See…I try to be all cool and Mother Earth-like…until nature comes calling. This past weekend it was in the form of a Bull Frog which followed me around while I was washing the car. I’m not kidding. I started thinking maybe it was some poor converted Prince waiting for a smack on the lips. Sorry dude. Find some other chick. 🙂
    Mindy
    http://www.thesuburbanlife.com

  33. Tabitha

    LMAO!!! This was a great Monday pick-me-up! (BTW, a cat really is a great idea as a pest service!)

  34. Alyssa

    At least you don’t have cats that bring lizards into your house on a daily basis! I’ve gotten pretty used to it now, but I hate accidentally stepping on a lizard (usually in some type of injured state!). I dread that one day they’ll bring snake in the house through the cat door! Especially since we’ve seen snakes in our yard before (I live in Florida too, in Tampa).

  35. Nate's Mom

    As a Hawaii girl, who is well accustomed to geckos falling on her in the middle of the night (which, yes, still freaks me out), I can tell you that you did not clip off the little lizard’s tail. It was a defense mechanism. It falls off and keeps wiggling to distract the predator (a.k.a. you, Elvis’s friend) and will grow back. You will now know Costello because he’s the wee peanut with no tail. Sure. His friends might laugh and point but he will tell the tall tale of how he met the red haired giant who DIDN’T FALL FOR HIS TRICK and kindly set him free instead of eating him for dinner….

  36. PJ

    My brother had a gecko named Elvis. So that seems like a good name to me!

  37. pam-tastic

    OMG! Hell to the NOOOOO! I do NOT like anything in the reptilian family…I wouldn’t have picked up that thing and thrown it out for all of the free give-aways on Pioneer Woman’s website! Nu-uh…nooooo waaaaaay…

  38. I’m crying…crying and laughing and crying! If your post wasn’t enough I see that my dear friend Pam has beat me here tonight and I can hear her voice saying those very words!

    Remind me to tell you about the time I almost peed my pants in Nashville because she got scared by a snake. She’s serious when she says she doesn’t like reptiles.

    Anyway…you are a braver woman than I picking Costello up bare handed. Although my bro had a lizard growing up and I used to hold it. I’m not sure how I would fare facing that decision today. You were awesome though…totally awesome!

    HILARIOUS!!

    Megan

    http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

  39. Tina

    I am growing a plant that is more like a Pet the a plant!
    It moves when you Tickle It! I think you would like it!
    The leaves instantly close up and even the branches droop when Tickled! I love my TickleMe Plant Google it ,,it was easy to grow and my kids play with it all day,

  40. Anon

    Wow. I totally take back what I said w/the snake murder!
    That is so stinkin brave! I would probably just scream and lock myself in my room until my husband came home.
    Glad to know you didn’t stomp on him though.
    I guess that’s why I just have to keep coming back to your blog, you’re great.

  41. Casper

    I would have killed the snake too if I was able. Lizards are different though. Snakes scare me…

  42. I love this post. I am going to send it to my mom. When I was in high school I had a little lizard I kept in my room. I was away for the weekend and she had to feed him. She opened the cage and found the lizard on his back. Thinking he was dead she reached in to throw him away. However, the lizard was just sunning his belly and freaked out when my mom’s hand came in. As my mom was screaming bloody murder, the lizard dropped his tail. They say the tails grow back buy he died about a year later with a very short little stub.

  43. Looking€ oHeaven

    You remind me of my mama with this story. She married my dad on spring break of her senior year just before he shipped out. She later followed him to Guam where she had a friend just like yours. He spent every morning in her bathroom sink. She learned to deal with him and just filled the sink with water ’til he could get out and off he went until the next morning when he was stuck again. She tells the story way better than I do but it still makes me laugh to think of it.

  44. Lyn

    That is too funny! Love it! I have a little lizard that lives in my garden. He’s cute maybe some kin to Elvis and Costello.

  45. This makes me glad I live in good ole’ lizard-less Ohio.

    I would have had a heart attack. Connor has a small set of clubs, too, and I would not pause before whacking a lizard with one of his clubs, grabbing the boys and leaving the house until hubby came home to dispose of the dead lizard.

    How many times did you have to disinfect the sink in order to feel better? 🙂

  46. Ashley

    LMAO! Welcome back to Florida, Katie! Lizard catching is a part of life around here.

    I didn’t see this when it was first posted, and I am so glad because it was a great start to my morning! Hysterical. 🙂

  47. Courtney

    Even though I’m a little late reading this, that was hilarious. You act like my mom when it comes to reptiles. I’m like that around roaches. Just remember, lizards eat bugs and their tales grow back.

  48. Andrea B.

    I think Costello is pretty cute! Even though I like looking at lizards I don’t know if I could have picked him up. I’m proud of you Katie!!!

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