Bean,  Fun Things,  Parenting,  What I've Learned

Moms and Dads

February 7, 2011 /

From the time Bean was born, he’s had a special connection with Chris. It’s a tight bond that the two of them share. Bean knows it. Chris knows it. I know it.

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When he was a newborn, I was convinced that their bond was so strong because I hadn’t nursed Bean and so he attached to Chris. But as Bean gets older, I’m becoming more and more certain that the father/son bond would have been this strong between the two of them whether I was in the picture or not.

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On most days, their relationship makes my heart sing. Seeing Chris not just as a dad, but as a dad who truly loves being a dad is a side of him that makes me fall even more in love with him every day. Bean is an extension of me and so by loving him so completely, he’s loving me, too. It’s a really private, special feeling I have when I see Chris and Bean playing and laughing and enjoying being together.

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Truthfully though, sometimes I am envious of their relationship. Like when we’re at the beach and I spend 15 minutes putting sunscreen on Bean, another 10 minutes wrestling him into protective sun wear, another 15 minutes digging sand out of his hair, and then Chris gets to do the fun stuff like play in the water with him because by that point Bean is completely over me. Or like when we’re going outside to play in the backyard and I am so caught up in baby gates and pool alarms and running near the edge of the pool that Bean would rather spend his time with Chris who lets him throw baseballs and hit golf balls and chase the dogs with sticks.

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But the longer I’m a mom, the more I understand the important balance of a mom and a dad. It can’t be all precautions and safety goggles all the time. Just like it can’t be all fun and games all the time. And while I’m glad that we seem to switch up our roles every now and then, for the most part I value that dynamic in our roles as parents.

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But parental balance and bonds all go out the window when Bean is sick.

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It’s not that Chris isn’t just as apt to cool a fever or calm an upset tummy. He’s Dr. Dad when Bean’s sick. But it’s Mom who gives the best cuddles, rubs little tummies, and kisses feverish cheeks.

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It’s Mom who brings out the smiles and finds the fun in medicine droppers and cool washcloths on hot heads.

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And while Chris is never far in these situations and his hugs and kisses soothe even the worst chest cold or tummy bug, I admit that I do love hearing my name called in the middle of the night when Bean is sick. And I do love those little arms around my neck when he’s hot with a fever or cool with the chills. Those times are my time. That’s when I’m the only one who can make it better.

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And the feeling I get when I know just what to do to make him feel better, the feeling I get when that fever breaks and he laughs for the first time since he first became sick, the feeling I get when he finally feels better and he holds his hands up to me and says, “Momma, hug,”

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Well, that’s the feeling of motherhood. And there’s nothing else in the world like it.

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35 Comments

  • Staci

    February 7, 2011 at 8:48 am Reply

    Yep, yep and yep. Thanks for such a beautiful post about how it feels to be a mom. And, those pictures are fantastic. I love the light and your face and Bean’s face. Its all just perfect… especially the last one.

  • Sue V.

    February 7, 2011 at 9:09 am Reply

    Amen to that! Just this morning my third got the bad news from his Dad that he had left a favorite toy in the pocket of his pants and it was destroyed by the dryer. His Dad said it, and he allowed his eyes to well up, but didn’t allow the tears. A little later when I caught him alone, I hugged him and told him I was sorry his toy is ruined. He clung tight and let the tears flow. He wiped them away, smiled and went on about his morning. Mom moments, reminders that we are always in their hearts.

  • Lindsay (Young Married Mom)

    February 7, 2011 at 10:53 am Reply

    Beautiful post–in words and pictures! What a wonderful witness to the joys of being a parent. I feel the same way about my mom-haha! And it’s so great to get to be that for someone else. Also, this line is insightful and filled with truth: “Bean is an extension of me and so by loving him so completely, he’s loving me, too.” Thank you for a wonderful way to start a week!

  • Emily

    February 7, 2011 at 11:30 am Reply

    Wow, Katie – these photos are really stunning. When my son was born, I was terrified that I’d be left out of the
    “boys club,” but as it turns out, there’s a special sort of Mommy-Son bond too…just as there’s an incredibly special Daddy-Son bond. What a relief…especially since our second (another son), is due next month!

  • courtney

    February 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm Reply

    So very true. Daddies are fun to play with. They are cool, and they don’t bother (too much) with all those crazy safety hazards :). But when they are sick, they want their mommy (plain and simple). I think God designed us this way. Mom’s to be nurturing and protecting and Dad’s to be fun and playful. Not that my husband and I never switch roles. We both do the nurturing thing, but I’m not usually running around the house playing the Kokooee is going to get (this is some sort of monster my son invented). Last night my son had like 1/10 of his broccoli and 1/10 of his meat. My husband thought this was a good meal and offered him a cookie. I quickly intervened, and made him eat more broccoli as I mumbled “if I wasn’t here he’d be a walking talking french fry”. But the truth is that irregardless, he would be fine because he would be loved and protected by both of us.

  • Ashley

    February 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm Reply

    What beautiful pictures of you and Bean…especially the last one. I think for a long time I may have had the same kind of relationship with my mom, but now that I’m older, we are so close and I really appreciate everything she does and my relationship with her.

  • Emily

    February 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm Reply

    I really appreciated this post a lot but as true as it is it’s ironic that my husband and I actually have opposite roles than yours. Even though I send the majority of my day with my daughter I’m the more laid back parent while my husband is the worrier.
    It is so interesting how each parent plays their own role in each family.

  • Kat @ Living Like the Kings

    February 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm Reply

    I worry about Peanut thinking that only dad is the fun one! For now, since I’m nursing, she seems to attach to me but I’m already a little jealous that she recognizes his voice over mine! I also just LOVE the pictures of you and Bean. They’re incredible!

  • Cindy In Owensboro, KY

    February 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm Reply

    Those are some very precious pictures of you and Bean!! Love it. It doesn’t have to do anything with nursing or not nursing a baby whether they attach to their dad because I nursed my little girl for 17 months and she is still daddies girl. He is the pushover in the family.

  • Tressa

    February 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm Reply

    I’m with all the other comments!! You look absolutely beautiful in these pictures. That last one definitely needs to be framed. Sorry not to comment on the topic itself, but I can’t get over these pictures!!! 😉

  • Sarah

    February 7, 2011 at 10:48 pm Reply

    such a sweet post. this is one thing that worries me, being jealous of how much my husband will love the kid and whether the kid will love me or him more……

  • Amy @ Serve At Once

    February 7, 2011 at 10:50 pm Reply

    Katie, you are looking radiant in these photos! And the gentlemen don’t look so bad either. 😉 Seriously, I’m so glad you’re getting to enjoy motherhood–even when Bean is sick. I’m sure you and Gracie are going to have a wonderful bond that only mother and daughter can share. 🙂

  • HeatherM

    February 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm Reply

    Nobody cares for sick kids better than a mom. I’m 28, and I still want my mom to come take care of me when I’m sick 🙂
    Also, nobody recognizes a kid is sick faster than a mom. Mothering instincts are AMAZING!

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