The Next Time I Speak to My Husband…
The next time I speak to my husband probably won’t be until tomorrow because we have retreated to neutral corners after a big fight tonight.
The next time I speak to my husband it will be a little awkward because we’ll both still be angry, but we have to talk because we have two kids and that requires communication.
The next time I speak to my husband I will say that I am sorry – not for everything, because it wasn’t all my fault, but that I’m sorry for what I said that hurt him and for actions I have taken that have made him feel like he is not good enough.
The next time I speak to my husband, I hope he apologizes, too, for the hurtful things he said and for making me feel small and insignificant when I’m not.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll tell him that having a two-year-old and an infant is ridiculously hard, even on the good days, and that even though we are tired and have to have most of our conversations over someone crying these days, I still am glad that this is our family.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll ask him why no one ever told us that me going back to work would be such a big transition for our family.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll tell him that I miss him because even though I see him everyday, sometimes it’s hard to connect to each other everyday and I miss that connection.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll put my arms around his neck and rest my head in the crick of his shoulder where I fit perfectly and I’ll tell him that sometimes we fight not because it’s anyone’s fault, but because neither of us have ever been parents to two small children before and we’re bound to go through growing pains as we figure this out.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll say how much I love our babies even on days when it seems like they have been crying/whining/yelling/teething for hours on end. Even when I’m tired and they’re tired and he’s tired. I still love our babies.
The next time I speak to my husband, I’ll tell him that I’ll try harder not to place blame, to be more patient, to trust his judgment, to respect his priorities, to ask for things more clearly, to be more appreciative, to be slow to anger.
Because I love my husband and I know that he loves me. And he’s worth a little more effort.
48 Comments
Laura @ Casa del Hansen
(((HUGS!))) You’ll both be in my prayers the next few days! I’m sure he’s missing you just as much as you’re missing him.
Waiting for Bulgaria
Oh, that’s such a sweet honest post. It’s so hard being a mother and a wife and working full time. Thank you for being so honest tonight.
Jen @ caved in
Having one kid is hard on a marriage, I’m sure 2 is even more so. It’s difficult to remember these things you mentioned on a daily basis when all hell is breaking loose. Good luck! What patience I have left after today, I’m sending your way.
Alaina
What I love most about your blog is that you are so honest. Seriously, as a newlywed myself, I appreciate posts like these because marriage isn’t always rainbows and ponies. It’s work. And there are bad times and good times. And as a parent-to-be, it’s refreshing to see that everyone goes through stuff like this. (And I’ll admit, it does kind of scare me, too)
Alyssa
Awe! Way to make me tear up 😉 These moments are so common- especially for parents of young children. This is a very true and sweet post. It’s nice to see such honesty. No sugar coating.
Megan
Thank you for being so honest and sincere I have a two year old and staying tight with my husband through raising her has been the hardest thing as couple we have ever done… ESP on the days where it seems like she will not stop fussing and whining. Nice to know we are not alone.
Pam
Katie, this is beautifully truthful! Love and prayers to you and Chris. <3
Sumer Taylor
Hang in there!! As a mother to a 5 year old and a 16 month old, we have those same moments, more often than not it seems. You have no idea how ahead of the game you are that you have the insight into your problems and that you know you can are going to say you’re sorry for your part and actually mean it. I keep telling myself that as they get older, things are going to get easier and they actually have, even if it is just a miniscule amount! While it usually seems impossible to even figure out how to schedule time together, you HAVE to, even to just go for a walk together to just hold hands and have some quite around you.
Sharlee@believinginsomething
Oh! I love this post. I think you should make up now and not tomorrow…because I totally know this feeling. I appreciate your honesty. But it’s not a completely “downer” kind of honesty–it’s honesty that’s still filled with love and appreciation. That’s the best kind. I love reading this blog! We don’t have kids yet, but this is something I will surely need to prepare for…especially your mention of missing him. I could see that being particularly difficult. Now, go make up 😉
Tara@faithconfessions
Oh Katie how we can all relate. It is not easy and has to be even harder with 2! I know that you will both find that connection you both desire as the chores of a new home slow down and you are back into the swing of teaching. You both are so honest but also so in love so I know without a doubt this too shall pass. I think this weekend calls for the lights to be hung up on the porch, the chairs set out, candles lit and wine poured for a date with Chris after the babies are fast asleep! You both are worth the effort!
Katy @ MonsterProof
So well said! Maybe I’ll quit hiding on the computer now and go see my husband. Kids are tough!!!
Calypso
We’re going through this too.. In fact another friend of mine called me today to vent as she’s frustrated to no end on her marriage… and this too… shall pass..
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Sending prayers for peace and reconciliation your way. Love endures all things 🙂
Paty
Wow… your words are so powerful. For so long I’ve felt like we were the only ones who fought. We have a little boy- 9 months old– and I miss my husband so much. Things have been so rough these past few months. I want to be brave and strong like you and apologize but its so hard. Sending lots of virtual hugs… and thanks.
AEOT
I hear this word for word. It’s not often that we fight, but life gets frustrating and it’s easy to take it out on those we are closest to. If you don’t have one and can afford it, get a housekeeper to come every other week (or more often if you can!). It has made a world of difference in our house since we, too, both work. Pack a love note in his lunch this week too. He needs it and you need it.
Krista
Oh yes. Having a 2 year old and an infant is not for the faint of heart. And that part about living in the same house and seeing each other every day, but still missing him…. I SO get that.
Such an honest (and brave) post.
Anna @ Breaking Up With Burgers
I’m sorry you had a fight. Someone once told me that saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean that you were wrong, it means that you value your relationship more than your ego. Hope that helps!
Sarah @TheExPatBride
It’s always hard to fight with your other half, because if it were a fight with someone else, he would be the first person you would turn to.
I don’t agree with the “never go to bed angry” advice. Sometimes all people need is to get some sleep, and then they can approach a problem or dispute with a much clearer head. I love your honesty, this was a very touching post. I can see that you two love each other very much.
Amy L Butler
My oh my do I know how ya feel! I have been dealing with these same issues and feelings. Although my girls aren’t as young as your little ones, at 22 months and 7 yrs they present there own set of problems, issues, joys, accomplishments, etc. My husband and I work opposite shifts and he goes to school full time. Sometimes, even if we’re in the same room together I tell him that I miss him. It’s because we haven’t had any time together. Between everything it can get hectic. Every day is a new day and there’s always something going on. I’m still growing as a person in so many ways that some days I feel like I’m going in a hundred different directions on my own without the chaos of family. I’m just so thankful for my husband and our children and our family and friends as well. I’m thankful to God for the many, many blessings that he bestowes upon us each and every day. I am also thankful for this blog. I love your openness and honesty and appreciate how you share not only the good things in your life, but the struggles and trials that just make us stronger and stronger. Thanks for another great post!
Candice
What a brave post to write – to admit so publicly that you fight and that it’s complicated and that being a married parent is SO very hard sometimes. Thank you for writing this kind of thing. It definitely helps me feel like we’re not the only ones that argue because we’re still learning how to do all this.
Lynsey W
Love this post, and agree with the others that say to make up tonight. It’s cliche, but our rule that we always kiss goodnight and say I love you- even if it means sitting up for hours talking things through to get to that point.
Lyndsey
This post is equal parts refreshing (honesty!), inspiring (you still know you love him even when its so so hard), and scary (might’ve just pushed back my timeline for kids another year). I wish you lots of luck in making up!!
Mary
As a working mom of a 3 and 2 year old, it gets tough to balance everything. This post was so heartfelt and honest. Thank you for sharing and being so open.
Talia
Press on sister. I never want to be that first one to “roll to the middle” but when I do, I’m always glad http://www.saragroves.com/lyrics/theothersideofsomething/rolltothemiddle/
This is another one that helps me out of all the anger…
http://www.saragroves.com/lyrics/firefliesandsongs/its-me/
Prayers and grace.
Kerri
Prayers going up for you! My children are 8 & 3. It is so difficult to balance being a Full Time Wife, Mother & Employee. My husbands job includes getting up anywhere from 10:00 pm – midnight to go to work + working every single weekend. It’s not easy keeping the kids quite while he sleeps. It’s really not fair to the entire family including my husband. We do the best that we can. It’s frustrating; constantly feeling like your being pulled in a million directions. Giving 110% of everything you have…and ALL of the good you thought you were doing….well…just doesn’t seem good enough in the eyes of the one person you trust & look to for support. It’s not like were asking for an Award or a shopping spree. Just a simple Thank You at the end of a long stressful day &… maybe a massage as you reconnect. It’s so hard to talk after a fight, I usually give the silent treatment…go on a rapage and start cleaning:)…but in the end, we always said we wouldn’t go to bed angry. “when angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath
(your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. -Ephesians 4:26 May tomorrow be blessed and filled with lots of love & laughter.
Whitney W
I loved this post! I can totally relate and couldn’t have said it any better myself. I have almost 6 week old twin boys and man have these past 6 weeks been a little challenging. I think we are experiencing growing pains too, I have been more nit-picky and get upset easier than normal, possibly due to the sleep deprivation and I miss my hubby. Even though I see him everyday our conversations occur over two crying babies and we are both too tires to really communicate. Thank you for sharing! Now I feel like we are not the only couple who experiences growing pains.
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
This is sweet. Thank you (and Chris) for sharing with us. I hope all of those things happened when you did speak again!
Jenn@browneyedandblessed
Well, you spoke with him last night before publishing this so that’s a good start! Moving, Bean changing schools (I think), school starting up again all within a short period of time are all big changes thrown at you all at once. I hope today goes better for you guys.
Amanda
There must have been something in the air the past couple days – I know a handful of couples who had big blowouts! You and Chris have a lot on your plates and it’s only natural to have these “growing pains” 🙂
Laura B
It can be unbelievably hard to show grace to my husband sometimes and I know it’s hard for him to show grace to me. Because when we’re tired and worn down it’s just easiest to take it all out on the one we love most. So I’m trying to constantly remind myself, my husband and our daughters to just be kind with one another. I feel your pain!
Sarah
I’ve been there, too! Being parents and partners is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You are not alone in that!
Amy
I love you for your honesty, Katie. Nights (& fights) like this are so hard… But it’s obvious to us (the readers) that even in the midst of the stress and strained communications, there is so much love. For better or worse, marriage means working through the not-so-fun nights together, and moving forward.
Thinking of you both today <3
Jenn
Wow. Beautiful.
Tracy
Love this post. Love your candidness and honesty. I feel like if we lived in the same city we would be great friends… so many things in common. We are moving our family back home, and even though it’s only a one state jump further south it’s still a big move with both of us having new jobs and we are nervous. You writing about your move and the struggles you faced has helped me feel not so alone in some of my feelings. Thank you for that.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Sigh. Marriage is stinkin’ hard some days, isn’t it?
momiss
The next time you speak to your husband, the air will be clear and you will have great makeup sex and this will fade to a memory of a small bump in the road. 😉
Tara@AMooseyMommy
What an honest post. My husband and I have those big fights, too. Money worries and a 10 month old, plus having just move to a new state…well, sometimes we just can’t help but fight. It sucks, but it happens. I hope you two make up soon!
Teresa
Oh my. My boys were six years apart and yes going back to work after boy #2 was very hard. I also was a teacher, now retired. My word to the wise is if I could go back and do it over, I would have worried and paid more attention to my boys and worried less about the kids at school. Youngest is still work in progress and being human I feel like it was because I didn’t pay enough attention. Even after 39 years of marriage there are still difference of opinions. I started bathroom rehab and now I need his help to finish. He is not happy and I am not happy. But you suck it up and go on. Add in the death of an old friend’s husband and daughter, a great aunt, and a new friend’s daughter and I just need a good cry. Best wishes to you and prayers that you can work things out with Chris. I know you can!
Cassie
As of next Monday, I’ll be getting married in two months. I’m completely serious when I say this, but I feel as though I should print out this post and read it when necessary in the future. Wise words, and such a reminder of why we’re on this journey together.
Jenna@MomofManyHats
It seems we are all in good company. My husband and I had our first baby before our first anniversary, so the fights are sometimes abundant. We love each other endlessly though, and promised each other on our wedding day that we would endure it all. So we do.
britt@knewlywifed
Kids bring a whole new dynamic to marriage. It’s crazy how much my husband and I fought initially when we had our son. Through it all, though, we knew we’d get over it and we knew it was just an adjustment period. Love your honesty 🙂
Allison
Just stumbled upon your blog and what timing; my husband and I have been at opposite ends of the house since Tuesday……
Kimberly @ The Sparks Life
I have to say that I love your blog. I read this post right after my husband and I had a fight. Very humbling to see and definitely words to remember.
sherene
that’s normal dear, husband and wife fights:)) Besides, marriage without fighting is tooo boring:)) It’s all good don’t worry.
Carina
I read this when I went to my car to cry after having a big fight with my other half, and thought reading blogs would calm me down. Perfect timing! Thank you for the reminder that its normal to argue sometimes.
Tee
perfectly written… it’s amazing how much it helps just to know that we are all normal, we all struggle and love will get us all through the hard times 🙂 Hang in there and enjoy the making up… hehe
Kat @ living like the kings
You must be one heck of a wife. When I have a fight with my husband it goes more like, “The next time I speak with my husband I will rip him a new one.” Just kidding. Kind of. I’m glad that you guys worked through it all (sorry, I read these posts in the opposite order)
Pingback: