How Motherhood is Forcing Me Out of My Comfort Zone
Being a mom has thrust me into lots of situations where I wasn’t comfortable. There was the whole modesty issue that I had to work through. There was getting used to cleaning up other people’s bodily fluids as they project out of their body. There was coming to terms with staying at home with Bean. All of these things – and countless other examples – were situations where motherhood forced me to do things that I normally wouldn’t have been comfortable doing. But, I’ve learned that in parenting is no place for weenies. So, you suck up your fears/insecurities/pride and you do what has to be done.
Because I’m the mom. That’s why.
Lately, motherhood has forced me to cross yet another bridge that was way out of my comfort zone: The Play Date. I talk today over on Bean’s page about how to have a successful play date, but as easy as those bullet points make it seem, having a play date was a big deal for me.
Contrary to what you might believe since I bear all here on this blog, I am actually a pretty shy person. I’m not insecure really, just a little on the quiet side until I get used to a situation. In college, this shyness showed itself by keeping me home a lot. I lived with two crazy guys who were constantly on the go and they did their best to make sure that I didn’t live the life of a recluse. But, given the choice, I’d prefer to stay home. When Chris and I got married, Chris was the one who kept me in touch with the outside world. He has always loved having people around and so our house in Connecticut was always full of people and activity and I actually grew to love that. But I think I liked that more because it was at my own house and so I wasn’t really going too far out of my comfort zone. People were instead coming into my comfort zone.
But now that we are in Florida, we are still trying to make friends and out house has become much quieter (mostly because I think it would be rude to invite people to hang out with us in the ghetto). And since I’m not working now, if I didn’t get out of my house to meet people, I would have the tendency to just sit at home like a bump on a log. Not that I would mind that, really. But it just doesn’t seem healthy to me. And besides, I have Bean now and I KNOW it’s not good for his development to just sit at home with me all day.
This has left me with no choice but to get out and meet people. And what’s the best way to meet people when you’re staying at home? Play dates!
I found several groups of really nice moms through my church, which has then led me to several other play groups through friends of friends. Before I knew it, Bean and I were out and about. And (here’s the most important part for me) I was meeting new people almost every day. Was I uncomfortable? Yes. Did I want to be back home in my jammies with a book? Yes. But I still got out there. And not just because of Bean, but because I needed that for myself, too.
I’ve told you all that I’m on this new “change is good” kick. I’m working out (death to Jillian Michaels!). I’m eating healthier (I’ve already lost four pounds!). I’m reading more (actually, more than I should be considering I haven’t spent any time with Chris this week at all!). And I told myself that I would keep adding changes until I felt better about who I was. Well, my latest change has been forcing myself out of my comfort zone and into play dates.
It’s been nice because I have Bean with me and even though he’s two feet tall and about 20 pounds, he’s a heck of a wing man. It’s nice to be able to bring a friend along, so to speak, when I’m meeting new people. And Bean gives me a lot of inspiration, too. I see how open he is to meeting other babies. I put him down in a group of strange kids and he just takes it in stride. He has a good time while he’s there and then when we’re done, he goes home and does things he’s familiar and comfortable with. If he can do that at one year old, then surely I can do that, too. So, I force myself to get out and meet people and then I reward myself by coming home and doing things that make me feel comfortable again. In the process, I’ve met some really nice people and done a lot of fun things with Bean.
Yesterday, we went to a play group at a park that had a splash fountain (those are those fountains that spray all different heights at all different times and kids can play in them…). I found out about the play date through an email, but I didn’t know anyone who would be there and I didn’t know where we were going. I actually thought about not going all morning long. As I packed our bag of towels and snacks, I thought, “I could just stay home and play in the back yard with Bean instead…” or “We could go meet Chris for lunch instead…” But before I could really talk myself out of it, I packed up, strapped Bean into his seat, and left my house. No going back now.
When I got there, turns out the group is actually for kids about a year older than Bean. When I saw the older(ish) kids there, I drove past the fountain at first and thought, “I can’t go – this isn’t for Bean.” But then I realized I was just looking for an excuse. How much older could the kids be anyway? And lots of the moms had multiple kids of all ages. And even if they were all older than Bean – so what? He loves water! Might as well go play in it! So, I parked and Bean and I headed up to the group. And you know, I had a great time. I mostly watched Bean because he was playing in water, but I also got to chat with several moms from my church and that I had met through other groups. Bean had a great time watching the older kids play. And by the time we left a couple hours later, I was so glad we had gone.
Checking out the big kids…
Look at the things I would have missed out on if I had been too shy to go. Bean and I would be locked up in this awful rental house by ourselves all summer long. And that’s not fun for anybody. So, even though it sometimes makes me uncomfortable and even though I’d rather be home, I’m going to keep on pushing myself to meet people. And, oddly enough, I’m able to do that because one my two foot tall, 20 pound wing man. Good things come in small packages, don’t they?
25 Comments
Jessica @ How Sweet
I think that is great that you are making changes and steeping outside your comfort zone. That time with Bean yesterday had to be precious – he looks like he had such a blast!
Nate's Mom
I am so impressed at Bean standing in the water — and his shoes! His shoes are so gosh darn cute! Way to work it, wing man! 🙂
Katy
Way to go! I took a huge leap and emailed a stranger about a soccer team yesterday. Because, yes, sometimes you’ve got to get yourself out there to meet people! Now…how did you manage to not chicken out at the last minute again? 😉
Sarah H.
yay!! I’m happy for you 🙂 And way to go with the 4 pounds!!
Jessica
Great job on making all these changes (and the 4 pounds, thats awsome!). You are motivating me to do the same thing, doing new things, taking care of myself. I bought the Jillian Michael’s dvd this morning, I am going to pop it in during little mans afternoon nap.
Bean is adorable in his little swimtrunks.
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Congrats on the weight loss so far! Wow!
And I think you are so right about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Like you, I’m an introvert at heart. But after spending four lonely years of sitting at home like a bump on a log, I decided that I MUST get out and make friends and not depend on my husband to provide me with all my socialization. It’s been stressful but so worth it! So good for you – I know it’s hard, but also 100% worthwhile.
Margaret
WOMAN. You are so speaking to me right now. I type this from my house, in my pjs. Granted, my son is napping now, so it’s not like I have places to be, but we’ve lived here for two years and I have yet to find good, constant friends. I am such a homebody, and during the school year I have, well, school, but I have GOT to get out more this summer. It’s such a combination of liking my house, shyness, a husband who makes the dinner plans for me, and fear of saying something mortally stupid that I will be judged for. Grr. Change is good, right? Here’s to changes.
Abigail
Katie you amaze me. All the changes you are making right now absolutely terrify me. I don’t know how you do it. But this might have been just the push I need to go to our playgroup that we haven’t been to in about 3 months. . . .might.
Alaina
Good for you for going out of your comfort zone! I know it’s definitely hard…that’s cute that Bean had a fun time watching the older kids, too. My niece Roo was like that…she always likes to watch the older kids, almost like an admiration kind of thing.
Jen at Cabin Fever
I am introverted myself and sometimes I have to say… while its nice to sit at home in comfy pajama pants and watch TV and not have a care in the world it really isn’t good for me. It takes a lot of courage to get up, meet new people, and be exposed to entirely new situations.
My husband and I are planning to move closer to his work (if our house ever sells… for pete’s sake). But when we do move I won’t know really a single person down there. You meeting people and coming out of your shell gives me hope that I won’t be a secluded hermit when we finally make our move 🙂
Cabin Fever in Vermont
Tressa
Man oh man, that splash fountain looks like a blast!! I want to go out there and play with the 2 or 3 foot tall kids 😉 (I’m known to do embarrassing stuff like that)
OMG…I so did not realize that was Bean in the first picture!! HE IS GETTING SO BIG!! Must be walking alot now!?
You have the cutest wing man on the planet!
Marlene
Good for you! And it’s good for Bean to be around ‘older’ kids. It’s how he learns things you may not think to teach him. Or can’t teach him without older kids around! Like, what to do if someone bigger takes your things….stuff like that! So keep it up! Stretch and grow together, you and your little wing man!
Megan
Good for you Katie! I’ve felt EXACTLY the same way in SO many circumstances but forced myself out and was glad I did. I’m not sure if your church has a MOPS program but I started going this past fall and have really enjoyed it. They don’t have one at my church…it is at another church but they don’t care. And there are lots of moms that go that aren’t a member of that church. They only have meetings during the school year but it’s something to think about for the Fall.
http://www.mops.org/
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Maggie
I hear ya! Making friends when you are over the age of 5 is a tricky business – I envy your wingman – it must be a lot easier when you have something cute and smiley to discuss! That last photo of Bean is pretty awesome!!
courtney
I completely understand. I probably would’ve ended up talking myself out of the whole thing so I admire you for following through. My husband is the social one out of the two of us and our son followed in his daddy’s footsteps in that respect. I know he needs interaction, but sometimes I just feel like it’s a whole lot easier not to mess with it 🙂
Diana
Sometimes I have to really talk myself into making the effort to go do fun activities, but I’m always glad, when the day is done, that I got out of the house for awhile.
Rebecca
What a fun playdate! Days out of the house are always better in the long run. You come home to a house no messier than when you left it and your baby has used up a lot of energy! Two big bonuses. This coming from someone who has been on the computer too much today and hasn’t done anything worthwhile for her kids.
Ella
Good on you for going out of your comfort zone. I can be shy as well so i know how difficult it can be.
Cute photos on Bean!
Ella
Cute photos of Bean i meant to say!
pam-tastic
Way to go YOU! You are showing this “motherhood thing” who’s boss, aren’t ya? I have two daughters (16 and 9) and while my older daughter is out doing teenager-things, my 9 yr old goes with me everywhere…she, also, is a great wing man. I learn so much about her day and her life what is important to a soon to be 4th grader. I also really get to know her personality and hopefully I get to show her mine…i love, love, LOVE it!
twitter: pam_tastic
Sharie
Good for you!
Those pictures of your little Bean are gorgeous, he is a real little water baby!
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Maybelline
Wow! you inspire me Katie!!.. I know all abour comfort zones.. and takes a lot to get out of it.. Way to go!!!!! BTW! Bean looks like walking and standing up is a master skill for him.. he is so adorable!
Laura
Good for you…I know how it is – moving to another country and meeting people is tough. You have to ‘break into’ established networks of friends.
But I’ve found there are usually other people putting themselves out there too, hoping to meet some friendly faces. So sooner or later you do meet people. It took me almost 2 years living abroad to feel really settled with a constant group of friends. It might take some time, but soon you’ll have a good network thanks to your church, mothers groups, blog etc! Good luck (and congrats on the 4 lbs…wowza!!!)
Katrina
Katie thank you so much for writing this!
I would consider myself a shy person as well & although I have not recently moved the majority of my best friends have & I’m in the position of needing/wanting to meet new people.I am also currently expecting our first child (due in August) & I’m starting to get a little concerned that I may never leave the house!
Thanks for the encouragement & Congratulations on getting out of your comfort zone!