Mission Impossible: Staying Married While Packing
Sunday afternoon, I was in our bedroom packing up a few boxes for our big move to Florida. We close on our house here and head outta town on Monday, so packing is a top priority these days. So, I’m packing and I’m making piles for Goodwill and I’m throwing things away and I’m packing more and its hot and I’m pissy and Bean’s crying… It was a sight to behold.
Chris was about to have a heart attack.
See, Chris and I function completely differently when it comes to tasks. When something needs to get done, I put it off until the very last minute and then haul ass to get it all done on time. I’m like a mini-hurricane of fury. Animals and small children fear me. And my poor husband cringes when I get into these modes. He just sits in a corner somewhere as still as possible, waiting for the storm to pass. Which is what eventually happens. I go 90 miles an hour until I run out of steam and then I crash into a pile of mush on the couch and don’t move for three days. It is intense.
On the other end of the spectrum is my beloved. Chris moves like a turtle. A slow, deliberate, can’t-make-a-decision-to-save-his-life turtle. He plans and he plots and he makes spreadsheet after spreadsheet in preparation for the day when he will finally – FINALLY – start to DO something. At which point, he puts some music on, pops open a beer, and spends a few days working on a project that would take me 10 minutes to complete. He likes to work a little at a time – 30 minutes here, 45 minutes there – and then take a little break to sit down, re-evaluate what he’s done so far, reconfigure his game plan if need be, and then continue. It drives me insane.
Which is just as well because my dash and dive method drives him insane.
So, on Sunday afternoon it wasn’t all that surprising when Chris came into the bedroom where I was packing by taking my arm and raking everything from any tabletop into box and said to me, “Katie, I really would prefer it if you just didn’t help me pack.”
But, as unsurprising as those words were, I was still a little shocked. Was he really just letting me off the hook like this? Was it this easy? I didn’t buy it. This was probably one of those times where he gave me a free pass, only so he could later hold it over my head that HE had done all the work while I laid around eating Girl Scout cookies and drinking champagne. So, I must have asked him ten thousand times, “Honey, are you sure?” and he must have answered ten thousand and one times, “Yes, sweetie. Really. It’s better this way.”
Which was just fine to me because a lot of the boxes were marked with this, and I just don’t do well with physical exertion.
So, I put down my box of scarves (which I seem to have collected a huge amount of while we lived here) and went down to the living room where I sat there with Bean, just staring at the wall, wondering what I was supposed to do now. And then Bean started fussing because he wanted his second breakfast and I haven’t had a moment of peace again to think more about it.
Its probably just as well. Our marriage is built on the basis of our mutual understanding that we do not work well together. Whether its packing or building a website or anything in between, we just do not work well together. We’re too different. So, we avoid it when we can.
To busy myself and contribute while Chris is packing up our entire house, I have devoted myself to 3 things: Bean, writing (cause its like my temp job right now), and disconnecting and connecting utilities for our move. Oh, and planning my sister’s bachelorette party which, as it turns out, is a full-time job that I happen to suck at but we’ll talk about that tomorrow. I have basically set up camp in our living room with Bean and Molly, giving Chris the rest of the house to work in and around.
And here is what I have learned about my husband during this process: HE IS AN ASS.
Chris is under the impression that taking care of Bean is something you can do on the side. Is something that you can do in your spare time. And so at the end of the day when I’m still up at 10:30 working on a blog post or taking care of emails and such, he gets this tone in his voice that says to me, “I can’t believe I did ALL of this packing today and you couldn’t take care of this before now.” Oh, his words are different. His words are almost even kind.
“You’re still working?” he’ll say.
“You didn’t get to that earlier today?” he’ll ask.
But that tone underneath says loud and clear, “Its just Bean. Its just a blog or an article. Its just making a few phone calls and answering a few emails.”
And that’s when I envision him falling off of a very tall cliff.
Another reason he is an ass today is because he seems to feel like packing trumps everything else in the house. And if I ask him to help with anything right now, he helps with the attitude that he is doing me a GIANT favor or that he is doing EVERYTHING. For example, today he was in the living room with us while we were eating lunch. I noticed Bean needed a diaper change and I asked Chris if he would do it since the previous diaper change was necessary because Bean pooped ON me, and I felt like that earned me a time-out from diapers for a while.
(Side note: This incident happened while I was on the phone with my sister and the conversation was cut short when I suddenly yelled out, “BEAN! POOP! ME! GOTTA GO!” So, I’d like to apologize to my sister and tell her that I’ll call her back tomorrow. Thanks.)
Chris refused to do it. Because it was MY job. Because Bean and all products from his body are my responsibility between 5:00 AM and 8:00 PM. So, according to this thought process, Chris packs. And I do everything else. I would have waited him out on this one until he gave in and changed the diaper, but I didn’t want Bean to grow up wearing a dirty diaper while his parents participated in a Mexican stand-off. So, I changed the damn diaper. But not because it was my job. And not because he gave me that look and that tone that said it was my responsibility.
When he gives me this tone, I envision me pushing him off of a very tall cliff.
The fact is that Bean is a full-time job. A full-time job that took TWO full-time teachers when he was in daycare, I might add. Its not like I can just put him down and get my other things done. Little Dude is on the move. And he is also adjusting to us all being home now, too. You can tell he’s bored because he is used to being in a daycare where things are always happening. He is fussy because he is cutting three teeth right now. And on top of all of that, I think he knows that something is up with the packing and everything. He is just really clingy right now. And I want to say to Chris, “YOU try getting anything done with Bean Man in the room. It ain’t so easy, my friend.”
Moral of the story: Packing can lead to husbands falling off of cliffs and staying at home with a baby can lead to husbands being pushed off cliffs.
So, at this point, I would advise Chris to steer clear of any cliffs.
The end.
40 Comments
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is
I don’t know if we’d make it through this. I forsee myself making many marriage-saving meals if this ever occurs!
Heather
Oh, how I loved this post! Hilarious! I’ve been married only 3 months, so when my husband is an ass I get all panicky and think, “What I done?!?” I needed this today as a reminder that they’re all asses sometimes, and it is totally normal to sometimes want your husband to…fall off a cliff. 🙂 Thanks for the lift.
Jessica W
My husband and I have been married 5 years. One thing you’ll hear us both say occasionally is “The vow was to always LOVE him/her, I don’t always have to LIKE him/her.” Which is true, love is always there, but you don’t have to like ’em every moment of every day, Thank God. 🙂
Laura
Laughed out loud at this. Seriously, what is it with the men in the world and spreadsheets about spreadsheets? I like a good spreadsheet as much as the next person, but sometimes you have to take action!
Laura
Heather in ND
It makes me feel better that you and Chris are so opposite, as my boyfriend and I are complete opposites, too.
And yeah, boys are great at being asses and sometimes they need to be pushed off cliffs! 😛
Amy
One week. Florida. Yes. Mam.
HOLD ON, KATIE!!!
Sarah
Why can’t men figure out that taking care of a baby is a full time job and doesn’t leave time for other things? Actually, I know why. It’s because their idea of taking care of the baby involves placing the baby on the living room floor and watching TV while the baby shreds a full box of wipes. At least, that’s how it is in my house…
Nate's Mom
I imagine that Chris is working on a spreadsheet right now, carving out his rebuttal to be posted shortly on The Man Cave!
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
Oh I needed that today! My husband and I have 3 kids, ages almost-12-months, 3 years, and 7 years. I do home daycare, and I’m the mom, so he seems to think that that diapers are my job to take care of, that I don’t get to tell him that I’ve already changed 13 diapers today so will you please take this one. If I do ask, instead of him just getting up and doing it (heaven forbid a “sure honey”) I get grumbling, groaning, complaining, as he gets up at a snails pace secretly hoping I’ll jump up and take care of it.
I needed this post:o)
tessabella76
My husband and I are just like you and Chris! I’m the hurricane, doing as much in as little time as I can. And he is the slow, deliberate, think-every-possible-move-out before proceeding. At this point, I like to think we compliment each other but we haven’t had a third-party (a baby) to throw in the mix yet! Good luck!!!!
Lori @I Can Grow people
1.) That box labelled “$30,000 Yale Education” made me laugh so hard that I cried!
2.) Aaron and I only survived our move to Florida because I didn’t do any packing. I wasn’t even in the same state! I was working in NY for 3 months while Aaron packed up our apartment and did the whole move himself. This worked out for the best since I HATE PACKING with a deep, searing passion. I know that I will never have it that good again, but it was nice to just arrive in Florida with all of my stuff already here–like MAGIC!
Susan McA
I feel you!!! We survived 5 moves last year within the span of 4 months (without a little person running around. but still.)…. so I know you can do it!
1) We moved ourselves & all of our stuff to my in-laws for a month after our lease ended in Chicago.
2) Then we moved my husband and half of our stuff to NC so that he could start school at UNC. He settled into a 1 month sublease.
3) I went back to Chi-town to finish work, living with my hubby’s parents for another month. And then we moved the rest of our stuff to N.C.
4) Right about that time our sublease ended so we moved into a friend of a friend’s house where we dog sat for a month while these semi-strangers visited family in Europe.
5) FINALLY, we settled into our new place 4 months later.
Definitely stressful for our marriage…but we made it! And haven’t thrown out those boxes. Hang in there!!!!!!!
Jordan
the whole diaper changing thing… I feel similar about taking the dogs out in the morning. We have this agreement that I get up every morning to take the dogs out and feed them. And he does “final let out” around 11pm, when I’m already in my PJs and don’t want to go out in the cold.
It’s a nice little system except that every morning the second the dogs make a noise he pushes me, meaning “get up and take them out!” I just want to scream “hey! let me do my job, and I’ll let you do yours!” umm, this doesn’t seem so bad written, but in the mornings…it’s cliff pushing worthy
Cindy
I think tommorrow you need to give him the job of taking care of bean and you can do the packing and then he might change his mind about what you are doing all day and how important that it is!! I work part time and am home part time with Riley (17 months) and let me tell you I feel more exhausted when I am home all day with her than when I go to work all day.
Michelle
Welcome to SAHM husband dilemma! My husband can’t figure out why it’s difficult to run 10 errands in one day when I have a little guy with me- and trying to have him nap at home. This post so made my day – I thought it was just me and my hubby who had this issue! Much thanks!
Kate
I think this was probably the funniest post you’ve ever written. I actually LOLed, and usually thats just something I say (LOL), even though I don’t usually actually do it. Mostly I read your blog in my blog reader, but I had to come here and comment today because this was just too funny. We moved about 6 months ago. It was a disaster and I’m still not sure I’ve fully forgiven my other half for being such a pain in the ass in the months/weeks prior to the move!!
Katie
This definitely made me Laugh Out Loud!!! I like to put things off until the last minute my husband bugs me from the first minute until I get it done or until I freak out on him and tell him I WILL GET IT DONE! Would he do it himself though? Nooo of course not he would rather hound me until I get it done. Thanks for the laugh! Good luck with the moving I know how stressful it is even without a child!
Marla
Good luck Chris!! It sounds like you need it.
And Bean really is the cutest. His hair cracks me up every time I see a picture of him.
alison
oh girl.. you don’t even know how many times I have wanted to push my husband off a cliff.. almost 25 yrs, 5 or so moves and 3 boys later…
my boys are now 19, 21 and 24. My husband.. if you ask him, 45.. if you ask me.. 12 😀
Shoe Gal @ High Heel Hijinks
Amen sister! My husband and my problem is that I am super organized and he…not so much. We have moved twice in the past five years and I have always been in charge of packing. Otherwise I’d still be going through boxes unpacking all of his disorganization. I feel ya 🙂
Whitney
I could have written this post. Oh my gracious, it takes D forever and a day to do ANYTHING. It seriously makes me crazy. Most of our fights have stemmed from him “cleaning up his mess”. It seriously takes him 2 hours to sort through the mail on his desk when I can get rid of it by one fail swoop. Oh. So. Frustrating.
Heather M
When we made our international move – it was painful. We had to give away so many things and the things that were packed had to be done by our movers due to Customs.
The main thing to do – sort as you go, don’t take it with you. And make sure that you go out to escape the boxes at least one night a week!
kimberly loomis
Ohhhhh….baby. I’m gonna keep my mouth shut on this one because I hear ya, lady!! Oh do I hear ya!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Huh. So weird that this post pissed Chris off. 😉
Um yeah. You are singing the SAHM lament. It takes a huge adjustment period and I hate to tell you this, but it’s longer than a week.
Katie
LOL! I know, I re-read it this morning after a good night’s sleep and I’m pretty sure he deserved to be pissed. Eh, well.
Becs
There are so many similarities between you guys and me and my husband. God, it feels so good to not be alone! You totally crack me up and this post made my day. I hope the packing is finished soon!
Kristin
I think we married the same man! Don’t push him off a cliff though, you need him for more babies 😉
Kendra
WOW! I can see why last night you said Chris was pissed off. But, at the same time I totally understand what you were feeling. My husband and I cannot work together either. It always ends in a fight because I apparently don’t do things right! HAHA
Melissa
GREAT post. Makes me feel great that I’m not the only one who can’t work with my husband. Sure, once in a while…but, like you, we have VERY different views on how things should be done.
Tawny
You just described my husband and I! I feel you about the whole “doing us a favor attitude”. The other day my husband emptied the dish washer for me and acted like he climbed a mountain. Psshhh.
: )
Sarah C
Our last move, a death in the family happened at the same time, so my husband had no choise and had to pack. That was tons of fun. After we moved in I would be looking for the match to one of my shoes and find it in a box with a pan from the kitchen and some under the counter stuff from the bathroom. Really???? That’s the best you can do?
Cheers to hoping your hubby packs better then mine!
Keshet
Ha! Love this post! My husband actually moved on his own because I had to emergency babysit for my siblings. I get so pissy when things are all crazy and disorganized (which is inevitable in moves) so he said “it was better this way.” But he’ll still occasionally moan “I had to move BY MYSELF!”
Jennifer in CA
I am about to be in your same boat. I have a 2 month old and have 12 days to pack. The sad part is these are my last days of maternity leave so I am torn between packing and spending time with my little one. Thank goodness for Baby Bjorn!
Katieb
Funny! Makes me think about the once a year camping trip my husband and I take. We fight EVERY year about how to put up our same tent that we have every year. I always want to do it one way, and him another. geesh. my way is better!
Rachel P.
Haha, he might be an ass, but he’s an ass that makes pretty babies! Hurry up and have another one!
andrea
i absolutely refuse to grocery shop with my husband anymore. we aren’t fighters, never have been, but for some reason whenever we step into a grocery store we always get into a fight, about what i’m not even sure. it’s just not pretty. it has become a silent agreement between us, and if we ever venture into the store together, we usually part ways and meet back up at the register. you know to ‘make the trip quicker’ 🙂
Will's Mama
Oh welcome to the SAHM club! You have no idea how many of us can relate perfectly to the “what did you do all day?” dilemma. Hang in there through the move and give Chris (and yourself) PLENTY of time to adjust. 🙂
Amber Barnum
I soooooo understand how you feel!!! I was laughing so hard while reading this post, because you could have been exactly describing my husband and I! And, we are also moving this week. UGH! Good luck to you guys… and don’t kill your husband!!
Beanie's Nana
Listen to your readers! Love, Nana
Sarah
My all time fave is when my hubby is home with my girls for like 2 hours on his own. I walk in the door and get “I’m sooo glad you’re home! They won’t stop _______ and I couldn’t mow the grass or blah or blah blah blah.” (all the while, Sesame Street or Word World or something. Guess who is full of compassion yet has zero sympathy at the same time? That’d be me. Two hours? You can’t handle two hours? Really?!
And when it’s me who hasn’t gone to the bathroom all day, it’s *just* watching the girls (and hanging with my friends and eating bon bons all day with my feet up).