Why Is Hanging Out With Your Wife So Un-Cool?
This past weekend Bean Man went to stay at his Nana and Granddad’s house. So, on Saturday afternoon Chris and I decided we would take advantage of our free time and play a round of golf together, just the two of us.
There are things you should know about golf and my family. My Dad is an incredible golfer. As in, really, really good. And from the time I was 7 or 8 years old, he had my sister and I out on the golf course. He said he wanted us to know enough about golf and be good enough of a golfer so that we could play casually with people. He said lots of business is done on a golf course and he didn’t want us missing out on any opportunities because we didn’t know how to play. I think this might have been one of the best parenting decisions he ever made because he is absolutely right. I may not have had to play golf yet for business, but there have been quite a few male dominated conversations around offices where I have worked and I was able to contribute and hang in there with my superiors simply because I knew enough about golf to have those conversations with them. I wasn’t out of the loop and I had some common thread with any of my bosses who were golfers and on more than one occasion that has helped me have a small leg up over some of my other co-workers.
Anyway, back to my family.
So, we all play casually. My Dad plays for blood. My Mom and Dad together play in a golf group once a week. My sister and her husband golf often with their friends. And Chris and I bring up the rear. Living in Connecticut, we just didn’t get to play as often as our family who lived in warmer weather. But now that we are back in Florida, we have really tried to get back into the game. Chris more so than me because he and my Dad play a lot together.
But do you want to know a secret?
I’m actually a pretty good golfer. I have my Dad’s swing and that’s pretty great. And if I could just spend a little more time on it, I think I could become a really great golfer. So now, Chris and I are in this mini-competition with each other on who can get better faster. He, incidentally, is winning. But by default. He gets to play more than me. And he has a Ping driver, so that’s practically cheating right there. But I’m hanging in there and I don’t think it will be long before I’m keeping up.
This past weekend was my first full 18-holes of golf since we’ve moved down here and – holy crap – was I tired. For one thing, I swim more than Chris and so my arms got tired faster. For another thing, it was 90 degrees on Saturday and I felt like I was in a sauna. And, I didn’t eat lunch and so I was starving. So, in these conditions, I started to recreate the game of golf in my head to make it a more enjoyable experience for me.
First, what the crap is up with golf carts? Why don’t they have air conditioning? I say, scratch the golf cart and give me a Mini Cooper. Small, compact, light-weight. And yet fully air conditioned with a stereo. Just put a little thing on the back to hold your clubs and BEEP BEEP! You’re all set! Also, I would prefer to play golf naked. Or at the very least, in a bathing suit. This whole collared shirt and pants thing is for the birds. Even when you wear shorts or a little golf skirt, its still so freaking hot.
You know what else a golf course needs? A lazy river, like at the water parks. When you’re going from hole to hole, you should be able to jump into a lazy river and paddle through nice, cool water until you get to your next hole. In that ridiculous heat, just a few minutes in a pool would change my life. I could also use a few hot dog stands along the course. Maybe a little deli on ever other hole or something. Because when I’m out there, sweating and hot, I’m also starving and that girl that comes by with the peanuts and beer just doesn’t cut it. I’d like a cheeseburger with lettuce, pickles, and tomato. Maybe some hand cut french fries. And a milkshake.
If I had these simple little luxuries on the golf course, I bet I’d play a lot more often. Shoot, if my OB/GYN had a lazy river, I’d probably hang out there more, too. I’m pretty sure a lazy river makes just about everything better…
But even without all these things, I still had a really great time with Chris. It was fun to spend an afternoon doing something that we both enjoy together. We laughed and goofed off and we gave each other pointers (and helped each other dig through bushes for their balls…). It was just a really great day.
On Sunday we went to my parents to pick up Bean and my Dad asked how golfing had been. And before I could say how much fun we had, Chris started teasing me about not playing well (when I had) and about losing all these balls (when he lost more than I did) and about how much I complained about the heat (we were both complaining). He told a completely different version of our afternoon and while I know he was just giving me a hard time, it actually really hurt my feelings. We had a great time but here he was making it sound like a miserable afternoon that I had to drag him through.
Why do husbands do this? I will never understand it.
He used to do it with his friends, too. We’d have a really great weekend away somewhere and when people would ask how our trip was, he would downplay it and make it sound like it was alright and just something he had gone along with.
It makes me want to beat him with a spatula.
Will someone please tell me what is so wrong with admitting when you have a good time with your wife? When did it become un-cool to say that you still like hanging out with your spouse?
Drives me freaking crazy…
35 Comments
Jessica @ How Sweet
The only thing I would probably hit with my golf swing is my husband. Not necessarily intentional, but maybe once or twice.
Lindsay
My husband is sort of the same way except that he downplays EVERYTHING. He has no problem letting me know that he really enjoyed that restaurant/movie/vacation/store/museum exhibit/etc but if anyone else asks about it he’s always like “it was ok.” And I just want to say “why can’t you just admit you liked it (whatever it was)?! Apparently being excited about anything in front other people is also un-cool!
Megan (Best of Fates)
You’re so lucky to have grown up with golf, becuase you’re so right about it being important in business. Freshman year of college I took a business law class where the professor had a group of students he played golf with, and they all clearly had a leg up. That said, I think he also prefered me because I wore skirts, so I didn’t necessarily lose out in his weird world of preferential treatment, but it would have been nicer if I’d been able to be liked because of something normal like a golfing ability. Now I’m thinking this comment is more awkward than I intended it to be. To clarify, I didn’t flirt with my business law professor. He was like 60 years old. Not that I ever flirted with younger professors. I never flirted with any professors.
Well, that got pretty strange.
Megan (Best of Fates)
Oh, and I forgot to go back, but I know how to spell “because” and that preferred has two “r”s – though I don’t know how to properly write two “rs” – see, that’s clearly wrong.
GirlyGreenGirl
Once again I breathe a sigh of relief after reading your blog that my husband is not the only ASS on the planet! It’s worse when we’re around my family; like ganging up on me brings them closer and gives them common ground. Why is my bratty whining adorable at home but cause for eye rolling when it comes up in front of my family, or friends?!?!? Sometimes I’d like to use more than a spatula; I think we got a meat tenderizer as a wedding present…
Tiffany
Aw. Well, at least YOU know you had a great time… and now we all know it too. =) Busted, Chris!
Katie, super high five on being able to golf. I grew up in a golfing area too (Arizona) and my grandpa tried to teach me kinda/sorta when I was ten or so, but I could never figure out how to get the ball to leave the ground! Maybe it would work better now that I’m actually taller than a golf club… *shrug*
Alaina
I so wish I grew up with golf. Being an attorney, it’s one of those things you’re supposed to do…it’s all about the networking, and I can’t play a game of even mini golf to save my life (I’m always the one that hits way past par and ends up just giving up and writing in a 6 for my score). I’d probably go all Happy Gimore on the course so that wouldn’t be good for networking.
And I love the idea of a lazy river, especially at the OB/GYN. Any place that is possibly stressful should have one, in my opinion.
Michaela
ugh- boys.
they do do that, huh?
My partner does that with almost everything. A stock phrase in our house, is where after his monosyllabic description of his night, I have to go, ‘wow, I feel like I was there.’ Before he realises it sounds like nothing happened.
I think it’s that guys bond through teasing, and, conversely, get teased when they talk about things in sincere ways too much. So accounts where you are teasing each other does sound like a ‘great time.’ While girlfriends get concerned for you if you can’t give them, ‘he did the sweetest thing’ updates every once in a while, men often seem to want to separate ‘real feelings’ from ‘hanging out.’ at least verbally.
Nate's Mom
Wait…don’t you mean your sister and her husband? (Or do you have another sister? I’m confused.) I don’t golf. I don’t get it. But I do like golf carts. Both Chad and I want one really, really badly.
Elizabeth
That makes me sad to hear. I understand that it’s done in jest and it’s something that many guys do. However, Chris should be pretty psyched to tell people that his wife can keep up, if not own him, on the golf course. I hope that you told him how much it hurt your feelings and that he realized it’s important to talk up the things you two do together. You did get married to each other for a reason!
Heather in ND
My boyfriend doesn’t like hanging out with me, either!! Wait, I didn’t mean it that way. He does like hanging out with me. I think.
Boys are such punks!
Katy
Best line ever: “Shoot, if my OB/GYN had a lazy river, I’d probably hang out there more, too.”
And…I really am disappointed that even though I grew up in a town that hosted one of the premier PGA events…I have never golfed. The shame.
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos
He’s a MAN. Enough said 🙂
Kendra
So true. My husband does this ALL the time with me. It is so annoying and hurtful!
My parents live in Vegas and I remember one summer going out to play golf with my dad (well ride along in the cart) and it was 117 degrees!!! Looking back I really wonder why I would go out in those temperatures!
Christine
I believe you meant “my sister and her husband”… takes some getting used to, I’m sure 🙂 At least you know we are paying attention!
Life of a Doctor's Wife
I had one of those moments, recently, where my husband and I had a totally different perspective on something. It sucks when someone you are so close to is experiencing something so differently – or, worse, when he makes it sound like he experienced it differently for whatever reason. Yuck.
Katie
I want to live in a golf cart community.
And I’d like to own one of those cute golfing skirts with a cute polo. Anything that makes for a really cute outfit, because then if my husband who golfs a whole lot more than I do downplays my game, I can at least reassure myself that I looked cute out there in the heat lugging my bag around and trying to keep up with him.
Kate
I can’t answer about the hanging out with your wife thing as I’m not married. But my Dad taught me to swing a club too, and now I’m pretty thankful for that. I’m not great, but I can at least hold my own enough to hang out with my man on the golf course from time to time. Also I fully support your decisions to change the way the game is played. I would LOVE a lazy river!
http://www.klmphotos.wordpress.com
Dawn
If this scenario was played out in our house (which it has), I’d put my money on his reasoning for downplaying the day being he didn’t want to fess up to you beating him/keeping up with him on the course.
I think there’s a male gene for “acting like my wife’s a pain” when around other males.
Stephie
I have a rubber hammer you can borrow. It deflates when you are done 🙂 I use it when mine whines about how I don’t like riding in the jeep. Which I do enjoy, just not when its below 50 degrees out.
Jen from oursuperlife
I love golf. I suck at golf. I also want to beat my husband with a spatula. Sigh. I’ll borrow the hammer from stephie though! 🙂
Kat
Um this is 100% right! I find the same issues with my hubs. Like, we will go out to a movie that’s more of a chick flick and we’ll watch it and we’ll giggle through it and then I’ll ask my husband what he thought and he’ll tell me how it was a pretty cool movie and he’s glad he saw it. The next day in the office someone will say, “hey have you seen (insert name of chick flick here)” and his reply is almost always, “yeah it was eh” or “yeah, my wife dragged me” or “I really could barely sit through it”. DRIVES ME NUTS! All I want to do is say, “THATS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT!” but I don’t. Because I’m more mature and nicer.
dave
I never imagined you for a golfer because you’re very girly and all. (Sorry! that was stereotyping) You should video tape it for us next time.
For a man, it sounds unmanly/girlish to admit to others that they had a wonderful time with someone of opposite sex like a wife or girlfriend. Remember we don’t discuss intimate feelings in public.
Katie
FINALLY! There is clarity! Thanks, Dave! 🙂
Jaclyn
Hahaha I love the ideas of lazy rivers everywhere! They are definitely my favorite parts of water parks.
I think ALL guys downplay hanging out with other people, and I don’t really understand it either! Maybe it’s because when they hang out they just like to make fun of each other all the time, and so it bleeds into everything? Why can’t they just say they had fun?! Seriously…and they say GIRLS are confusing. Sigh.
Caitlin@ Simple Girl Confessions
thank GOD it’s not just me! men are their rules.
Maggie
Oh I get peeved at the “it’s unmanly” excuse. I mean seriously. Men only have two options? To either be an ass or appear unmanly? Enjoying the time you spend with your wife made you appear unmanly? This logic is seriously flawed…it’s saying that complaining about the woman you married makes you manly when really, it just makes you sound like an idiot who married someone he doesn’t like to be around.
Manly idiots, if you could all line up to the left of the lazy river we’ll all be sure to flip you the bird as we float on by.
Shelley
Katie said: “In that ridiculous heat, just a few minutes in a pool would change my life. ”
Yup, Al E. Gator could do that. Those things are in every pond and lake on a golf course. LOL
Men think they’re cool if they put on the suffrage act. Asses.
Michelle @ theyellowlily.etsy.com
I know what you mean!!! Only, Max does this about his job. He is always making it sound so bad when other people ask but talks so highly of it when it is just the two of us… must be a male thing. They don’t want their friends to know how happy they really are, lol.
Natalie
My husband always puts a negative spin on everything. Instead of saying “that was good” he says “that wasn’t bad.” It drives me crazy. But I always call him out on it and he is slowly starting to turn his phrases into something positive. Oye…
Christina
In my husband’s family, the more you are liked and the more comfortable they are with you, the more they tease. The sarcasm is a form of affection. Maybe it’s this way with Chris? The other men in his family? I didn’t know what to think when I first met them all…I felt really stupid all the time, but now it’s not such a big deal.
They have to be tough, you know? 🙂
Alyssa
I will never understand husbands but I do want you to design that golf course. A lazy river, a mini-cooper. That sounds like my kind of sport!
Julie
I *love* the lazy river and bathing suit golf course idea. I would totally come golf there.
The best round of golf that I ever played with my husband was when we were both playing badly but wanted to have fun, while my brother and father were out for blood. So we started making up our scores. And I won! Since we had made a bet at the beginning, I got a new pair of golf shoes. Which I have never actually worn on a golf course, due to a summer pregnancy last year.
Niki
Amen! My husband rarely acts like he had a good time with something. Even if he appeared to be enjoying himself at the time. If you ask how something was, he’ll shrug his shoulders and say “It was alright”. Whether or not I was there with him. It must be miserable to go through life not enjoying at least part of the journey.
Jennifer
The only golf I have ever played is Putt-Putt, I’m not even good at that…sorry not an avid golfer 🙂 But I do like the lazy river idea…kinda like White Water meets Putt-Putt 🙂 Now I could do that!
Maybe Chris doesn’t want his peeps to be jealous of the good times yall have together, so he down plays it.
If thats not it then he needs to be beat with a spatula, or a whole assortment of kitchen utensils.