The Part Before the Nervous Breakdown
Let’s take a moment to dive into the inner sanctums of my emotional being right now and try to understand me for a minute.
When I get stressed out, I get tired.
When I get tired, I get easily annoyed.
When I get easily annoyed, I begin to look for things to be mad at.
When I look for things to be mad at, I find them.
When I find them, I get mad.
When I get mad, I fight with Chris.
Ergo, because I am stressed out, I have been fighting with Chris.
Actually, that’s not true. We aren’t fighting because that would imply we are speaking to each other. Which we aren’t doing. Its not intentional and we do talk about things like what’s for dinner and if we need milk from the grocery store. But that’s about the extent of the conversation lately.
We aren’t necessarily mad at each other, though I am starting to get irritated with the whole thing (SEE ABOVE), but we are both just so stressed out and worried and anxious and unsettled right now that neither of us is taking the time to make the effort that conversation requires. So, I’m starting to pick at that (SEE ABOVE) and now I’m causing real fights with Chris because of the irritation of not talking because of the stress (FREAKING SEE ABOVE). So, then we fight because I have picked at him and then we actually stop talking to each other because we have gotten into a fight.
Basically, what I’m saying is that I need Chris to talk to me more. Except when I don’t want him to talk to me. And then I need him to sit quietly in a corner and wait until I want him to talk to me.
What? You don’t think that’s fair?
Well, something needs to happen because if we keep going like this with the not talking and the arguing and the not talking and the small talking like roommates and the stressing about money and jobs, then I might be forced to rob a Girl Scout cookie stand in front of a grocery store out of sheer desperation. And when they arrest me and take me to court, I will have to tell the judge that my husband made me do it. And I happen to know for a fact that that argument almost never holds up in court.
SO, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY TWITCHING LEFT EYELID AND MY ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN CORNERS, CAN’T YOU?
This is a public service announcement: DON’T EVER MOVE.
Moving has been much more stressful than I ever imagined it to be. First there was the leaving of our life in Connecticut, which might possibly have been the most difficult experience I’ve had, but we are starting to slowly get past that part. Every day it gets a little easier and I notice that I think less and less about the life we left. I’ve stopped comparing everything to Connecticut now and that helps me enjoy Orlando for what Orlando has to offer.
The part that is hard now is the change in our lifestyle. First and foremost, money is incredibly tight right now. Tighter than its ever been before. We have a delay for a few months here before Chris gets on the payroll at his new job, and I’m still hunting for a job in a market that is completely over saturated. As if that isn’t stressful enough, our rental home is in a pretty crappy part of town. Just two nights ago, there was a random drive-by shooting about two blocks from our house. Nice, right? And we have been holding hope out that things will get better when we are able to buy a house that we truly are happy living in, but without a job on the horizon and until our money straightens itself out, that house is getting further and further away.
And all that uncertainty can’t help but put a little bit of doubt in both our heads. Did we make the right decision? Did we rush into it? Did we really think this through? Or, are these just the hang ups that come with moving across the country in a bad economy?
So, its not like we don’t have any reason to be stressed out. And I’m sure that this level of stress would make any couple a little tense. But at this particular moment in time, I’m not concerned with whether this frustration in my relationship is normal or is valid or whatever, I’m just concerned with the part where Chris and I are either not talking to each other or are fighting.
We had a big talk about it in the middle of the night last night. We decided that its okay for us to be unhappy with where we are right now, as long as we remember that this is all part of the transition. Even though we have achieved a big goal by moving to Florida, we aren’t anywhere close to where we wanted to be. And the trick is that during these stressful times, we can’t take the frustration out on each other.
HAVING SAID THAT… Here we sit. On the couch. Side by side. Not speaking.
Marriage. Proving every day that common sense has no place in a relationship.
59 Comments
Lori @I Can Grow people
Oh girl, we will have a lot to talk about when you guys visit!
Jen at Cabin Fever
OMG… this describes my husband and I so much right now! In fact I think I used the exact term “room mates” in an argument we just had because of all the small talk we have…only have. With me in nursing school full time, both of us working full time, and considering moving close to his job we have enough going on too!
Its awesome you are so candid! Stay strong, I am sure you will get through it. You both seem to know you have a lot going on.
Marla
I totally understand how stress everything in your life must be right now. Hold in there, I have faith that it will get better.
(And know that I no longer just read your posts from the reader. Instead, I visit your site everytime you post because I know money is tight. Hopefully that helps, if even a little bit.)
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Holly
I am so bad with change. If anything big changes in my life it takes me a looooong time to adjust. It impacts everything, especially our marriage. I have finally started to get used to this new life as a stay at home mommy and my daughter is already 10 months old! I can’t imagine moving but I really do think you made a good decisiion. Hang in there.
Alyssa
Things will be ok 🙂 He’ll start his job, you’ll find a job, and you’ll have a nice little house of your own in a year or so I’ll bet. Sometimes making the best decision means being in a so so situation for awhile. Take heart that so many women out there are relating to this post. You aren’t alone in this or in these kinds of troubles. It’s great you can be so candid about how hard things are sometimes in life. I think we ALL can relate! I think it’s really great that you recognize the problem and realize it’s only temporary. Things will turn around soon.
Megan
As I gaze into my crystal ball…I see…I see…
Wish it was that easy. I know exactly where you are coming from. The whole moving thing rocks my world completely but now that we have Q-Tip…it has been the hardest thing EVER. E.V.E.R…EVER!!
Whatever you do…if you go a couple days without real conversation sit down and MAKE IT HAPPEN. AND…unfortunately us being the women…have to be the ones to initiate it most of the time. And if you find it difficult…just take a look at your Little Bean Man and think about how you would go to the ends of the earth for him. And then…dive deep within yourself…and talk to your husband. And OH the hard that it is at times…but it must be done.
Now that I have given myself a little pep talk I’ll say goodnight and God Bless. And I’ll say a little prayer for you…cause I know exactly where you are right now. I have so been there. And am truly still there.
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Rebecca
When my husband and I moved last summer, we went through exactly the same thing. With a few differences. We had 3 little kids. We still haven’t sold our house in our old town. We lived with another family and out of boxes for almost the first month. Phew. But we made it through. I thought the stress would kill me there for a while. Or force me to kill my husband! Well, not really.
I heard something this weekend from a Beth Moore video. She said not to look so far into the future that you are completely overwhelmed and can’t imagine surviving that long. God reminded her that she just needed to make it through today. Just today.
Ashley
Thanks for putting up what Beth said! I think I will write that one down 🙂
Rebekah M.
so, i’m not married, but my boyfriend & i both read your blog because its inspirational and you don’t sugar-coat things (see above post). i just wanted to thank you for that. its really nice to know that other people fight & that i am not the only person who gets frustrated at things unrelated to my relationship, yet, it ends up being anger that is directed at the relationship. so, thank you! and if i was there, i would come to your house and babysit bean for you so that you can have a date night. or, if i lived there i would totally take that cute little face off your hands for a few hours so that you can just hang out with your husband, and have a night to yourself. i’d totally be up for that! good luck, i’ll be praying for you 🙂
Nancy
Lots of people are in your boat including me!! We are paying rent in our new town while still paying the mortgage on our old apartment that we are still trying to sell. That, coupled with my husband’s paycut (as a result of taking the new job that relocated us), has made our finances supertight. We are definitely feeling the stress, especially since we have baby #2 coming ANY DAY NOW. But like you and Chris, we just keep reminding ourselves that this moment in our lives is temporary. Someday, our apartment will be sold, and our financial situation will improve, and we can move onto stressing about something else! 😀 Hang in there! Also, give Chris a really big hug. That always helps me feel better… I mean, giving my husband a hug, not giving YOUR husband a hug. LOL.
Looking€ oHeaven
(((Katie)))
I remember, not very fondly, my life 7 years ago when we packed up and moved 6 hours from everything and everyone that meant anything to us. It was so hard and awful and …. the list goes on and on. The only thing that saved me from packing up and taking me and my kids back home was the love I have for my husband. It’s the core of everything for us and I know it is for you too. I found that doing one nice thing a day for him in times that I was really stressed (and other times too) helped put our relationship back where it needed to be so we could support each other in times of great stress instead of not speaking at all. The really cool thing was that my kindness to him, even when I really didn’t feel kind, was reciprocated and pretty soon we were back to speaking and encouraging each other in our new scary life. There is a website that I look to for ideas when I run out or am tired to think. It’s http://www.the-generous-wife.com/ I don’t do everything she says but there are some pretty neat ideas on there.
I’ll say a prayer for y’all and take heart honey, you moved to what you love most after your own little family. <3
Heather in ND
I have no advice to offer because I’ve never been through what you’re going through… but I know that it’s tough. And we all appreciate that you’re sharing your life with us.
Hang in there, Katie… I know it stinks now, but things WILL get better. You, Chris and Bean are strong people–I know you’ll make it work out!!
HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Chris (not your hubby)
so i loved the post.
Isn’t it just frustrating when you can identify the problem.. and can even identify the solution..
… but for some reason it’s still not resolved?
Do yourself a favor for Chris’ sake and make the first move to make the stress start to go away.. it could be fun.
ps. i still see my girlfriend in most everything you write… keep it up.
Kathie
Can I share two small pieces of advice? I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been reading for awhile.
I’ve been married for 21 years… we’ve had our ups and downs and arguements from time to time. I wish (before we’d been married for 15 years) that someone had said to me “treat your marriage as a large piece of glass. It’s important that both of you carry it equally, working together as a team, sharing your thoughts as you do. If it’s dropped…it’ll never be the same.”
The second piece of advice, go have fun with your husband. Laughter is the best medicine. Go for walks, ride bikes, fish, hike, play cards, board games, watch America’s Funniest Home Videos…anything you can do to get out of the little house your in and focus on NOTHING. If anything, you’re sure to find a conversation piece in there somewhere and the stress relief will feel like a little bit of the weight is lifted.
For what it’s worth though, I completely understand where you’re coming from and the feeling you’re having came through loud. ((HUGS)) and hang in there. It will be okay.
Amy
‘Marriage. Proving every day that common sense has no place in a relationship.’
Love the quote. Keep your head up.
Katrina
It is tough! But I definitely think you did the right thing… I mean hello, Job offer, house sold in this economy! God worked things out to happen, and he will continue to do so.
I totally feel ya with the money stress though. I have been unemployed since Nov. and battling with unemployment, while we have been scraping by… It is hard and stressful, but I have faith that in the end God will work things out… =)
hope things work out for you soon!
Christina
Marriage is so hard. The people out there who write so happily about it drive me crazy sometimes. Don’t get me wrong. I am glad that I am married to the man I am married to, and we have a wonderful family, but there have been times when I just wanted to quit because it seemed like the effort was going to kill me. I actually just went through a terrible down period, and I won’t say too much about that, except it’s weird to look back at that time and know what I was thinking and how despondent I was, and think,”That was me?” In a sense, I can see how it was…but, then again, who was that person?! And through the whole thing my husband was compassionate. He could have told me to snap out of it, but he didn’t; he quietly encouraged me. And then, during a talk, which wasn’t happening too much because I didn’t have much to say so this must have been the Holy Spirit/divine intervention, I all of a sudden saw him in a new light and myself in a different way as well. (Please know that I am not saying our situations are anything alike…just the part about not talking/communicating.) It was life-changing. I have always said, kind of in a desperate defense of myself, there’s no switch! I can’t just turn off the way I feel, whether it’s mad, sad, or really down. But at that moment, there was a flip of the switch. (This next sentence might take a minute to decipher, I hope it works. I know this because I had to delete and start over…) It took me looking at him and seeing him as someone who is seeing me with eyes that take in the good, the bad, and the ugly, and love me all the same. I all of a sudden got it that he needed me, and not just for cooking dinner or doing dishes, or making sure the right clothes are ironed (which never happens anyway, for goodness’ sake). Sometimes there has to be this period of time where things kind of get to a point where, like you said, there is a crossroads. Not that it’s super dramatic there, but when you go a certain way enough, it only gets easier to go that route later. Which way do you (I) want to go? You know? You guys at least recognize the different stresses (gunshots down the street, hello? Along with all the other stuff, aye!) and are in a good place that you will have the conversation that you need to have. I hope it’s soon!! I don’t know if what I said makes sense in any way related to you guys, but in my head it did before I started writing. I feel for you, because it is so hard to be in a spot where you know things ought to and could be different/better, but the getting there is difficult. I liked the idea of a previous commenter about doing a kind thing a day. That was very good advice. 🙂
Caitlin@ Simple Girl Confessions
Katie,
I can’t offer advice the way that others do, but I do just want to thank you for sharing this the way that you do. I absolutely love reading your blog because you share the truth and let us in without being at ALL tacky and crossing a line.
You make the rest of us feel like humans, which is such a treat, because reading about a relationship with no ups and downs can start to make anyone feel a little self conscious.
Thank you :).
Dana
Whenever we move (thank you Army) which was TWICE last year, we always throw around a phrase we once heard:
The 2 most stressful things in life are moving and death. And moving is way better than the other one.
And it is so good that you and Chris love each other enough to (as your header says so eloquently) “Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.”
My grandmother always says, “This too shall pass.”
Keep writing – I bet that helps, too!
Katie
Dear Katie,
Something that might help: verbalize the lies you are believing. Air them out and then replace them with the truth. There are days when I walk into the kitchen after my husband has been there to ‘make a sandwich’, a.k.a. destroy all cleanliness, and I literally have to pause and say ‘he is not trying to kill me’. Something else I do, look him in the face and say, ‘I’m on your team’, I make him repeat it as well. When I get all fired up I tend to think my husband is the enemy, but in truth; we’re in this together. It’s so easy to isolate ourselves when we’re stressed, which only makes us more vulnerable. Stay devoted to each other. From devotion grows affection, and it sounds like you need some good old affection right now.
Laura
So, this is my first comment on your blog, like, ever and I would like to start it by saying how much I love reading about you and your family. The Bean is adorable and I love that you’ve made the move back to Florida. And what is interesting is that my granddad was born and raised on a farm in Connecticut and I have plenty of extended family still there. I was born and raised in the Panhandle of Florida and also love the Florida Gators, I feel more connected to this blog and you guys because we were raised in the same area and are rooting for the same team. Anyway, I was raised with both sets of grandparents and an aunt all within 5 minutes of my house. They have all played such an incredible role in shaping who I am today and I’m proud to say that I am as close with each of them as I am with my mom and dad. I’m not married, heck, I’m not even in a relationship, but I really like the dynamic you and Chris have going on and this post really spoke to me. I can’t even imagine the stress that packing up your whole life and shipping it down to Orlando has caused. But if I’ve learned anything from reading your blog is that you and Chris are perfectly equipped to handle this transition and that I’m a believer in the two of you. There are prayers and support coming to all three of you from my corner.
Jaclyn
I deal with stress pretty much EXACTLY the same way. Though add in “mildly sick” to the tired part, because I swear these headache/stomaches I’ve been getting are stress related. While I haven’t recently moved, my work schedule has been frantic lately.
I hope you are able to destress a little sometime soon! I know my poor guy is thinking the same for me – not only are we long distance but I’ve been extra snippy/completely insane this past week.
http://jaclynclaire.wordpress.com
Catherine
I so completely hear you. When my hubby and I moved to Tallahassee from Kentucky, we didn’t find an apartment in the one weekend we had to look; everything was either too expensive or too rundown. So we decided to sign up for graduate student housing…sight unseen (b/c they had month-by-month leases). Turns out it was in the ghetto. As in there were two instances of people being held up by a gun while in their car in the two months we lived there. It was horrible. It was tense. We were both miserable. But once we finally did move, it felt like a major accomplishment that we made it through such an awful living situation. It increased our faith in each other and our marriage, but that only came when the hard part was over and we can reflect on it. You’ll get there, too.
Elisabeth
Hang in there!!!! I’m dealing with quite a bit of stress as well right now (getting married, buying a house) and I’m not nearly as well-adjusted and positive as you are! The mere fact that you’re able to consciously identify what the issues really are is amazing. You and Chris both seem so strong and committed, it will all work out in time. I’m sending lots of good vibes and support your way. Just keep chanting “this is temporary” whenever it gets too hard. Whenever I have to go through something really unpleasant, that’s how I tend to deal. Visualize the after to help deal with the now.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
I think you’re right on schedule. About a month after we moved to another state with two small children, I had a total meltdown. A meltdown which involved yelling and crying at Rich, in the dark, in the backyard because HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND ME.
Then I checked into a hotel and talked to no one for 24 hours and took three hot baths and read two books.
And then I came back home and soldiered on and things must have gotten better because I was pregnant two months later. And got a new puppy. Both of those things turned out well, but I truly don’t recommend doing either until you are well settled.
Oh, and money? Sucks.
Kara
BUT you’re near family. FAMILY! No matter how much stress/talking/not talking you guys are experiencing, I am so completely jealous that gram and gramps can come babysit so you guys can have a night out!
Debbie
Keep on keeping on. At this moment sitting next to my husband not speaking except for does he need milk for the cereal. Problems with my 20yo stepdaughter again. Plus when he gets stressed he is the one who picks – and I have to not bite when he baits me or WW3 is likely to break out. We have learned to just put our heads down and trudge along. It does pass, sometimes it just doesn’t seem like it will.
Liz, JM, Leo and Rosie
It’ll get better. It really really will. Just sending all kinds of prayers your way. Moving is so stressful; it stinks. You guys sound like you made the right decision to move… stand your ground and stick to your guns… You sound so happy to be close to family. The other stuff will work out. And by the way, as a former co-worker – you are going to find a great job – the market is not oversaturated with Katie Browns – there is only one and she is great!
Just make sure you dodge any more drive-by bullets – that is no joke!
Lots of love,
Liz
Megan (Best of Fates)
I’m not married, so clearly have no idea what I’m talking about – but I think that the fact that you’re conscious of the distance currently between you, and that you’re constantly trying to improve is a sign that it’ll be okay – probably sooner than you think.
Ashley
Wow, do those words sound familiar. I totally understand what you’re going through. My husband just took a great job in Tampa, and they wanted him down there in 2 weeks. So I’m still in Tallahassee; still looking for a job in Tampa in what you are SO right to call an OVER-saturated market. We haven’t sold our house so I’m living in an almost completely empty house except for the furniture in the bedroom. I COMPLETELY understand the stress you’re feeling. But, it WILL go away. My hubs and I have had some stressful times before (ex. when he didn’t find a job for 6 months after law school – when we picked up and moved 8 hours away from our family and friends because that’s where his job was.) I look back on those times in my life and know I would NEVER repeat them, but I also know they brought us closer, taught us some life lessons and were important to bring us where we are today. So while I hate where my life is right now, I know it will get better and I know someday I’ll look back and appreciate what this difficult, crappy time gave us. Jeremiah 29:11 really helps me.
Sarah H.
I was going to read all the comments before I posted, but that got to be too much (you’re lucky your readers have a lot to say, they really care for you guys!). First–I’m not reading these in my reader anymore… always clicking on the site. I hope with all the blogging you can make a little more from the site (you deserve it) and that will help! I was wondering how you all were doing with the no income for 2 months thing–eek, most people would fail miserably or end up borrowing large sums of money from their parents. Just know that home is where the heart is—and that IS with Chris and Bean!! Plus all your parents, in-laws, and Bean’s Aunts! I understand the stress, totally–and your response to it. But talking about it is the first step!
Last year when Ryan finally got his job in MD, after 10 months of unemployment in VA, I stayed in Va Beach until I found a job up in MD. So we were living apart…what we thought was going to be 6 months, only turned into 6 weeks because I found a job pretty quickly–it all just unfolded like it was Divine intervention (and I believe it was). It’s only been 2 weeks Katie!! Hang in there. Be patient. When I was a teacher, we had to tell our boss by April if we were not returning the following school year–so soon schools should know about more openings. Does FL have county wide job fairs for teachers? Also–do you know ANYONE who works at a private school? Friends with any nuns? Teaching at a private school is AWESOME, I highly recommend it.
Good luck honey! Will be praying for an easier transition for y’all. (See, I was speaking Southern to you because you’re back in the South).
http://sarahhthoughts.blogspot.com/
I thought I posted this, but didn’t see it–if you’re just looking at your comments before they appear, well then just delete this. Thanks!
Meredith
I’m glad all these people commented before me because I have no advice or inspiring words to offer.
I just wanted to say thanks for keeping it real. I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for a little while now (back when you didn’t have your own domain, or BEAN, I think I started reading when you were just a few months preggers) and what keeps me coming back is that you capture ALL of life; not only the happy and funny times, but the messy, complicated and stressful times too. It’s what makes your blog so great.
As for your current situation, all I can say is that I am giving you (and Chris) a virtual hug (oh and Bean too, of course). I like the Beth Moore advice. You just have to get through today. And hopefully, if you’ve done just one thing today, it’s preparation to make tomorrow a little bit better.
Sarah
Some advice that I would give you is to let go of blame. It sounds like your situation (the housing quality, the lack of money) is creating frustration and you might be tempted to relieve that frustration by blaming/yelling at Chris. But its really not within his control. Find forgiveness for whatever mistakes he did made, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and focus on improving things that ARE within your control. Like making a nice family dinner, taking Bean to the park or playground, going for a walk along the sea, etc. (I have no idea where Orlando is in FL…near the sea?)
I would second the comment about getting out of the house. Whenever I start to approach the state you describe, I tell my man that I just need to get out. Usually, I go for a walk or do some yoga at the gym. Its amazing how even an hour to yourself can be calming. Over time, I’ve learned to meditate and now I rarely (maybe once every 2 years) get as stressed as you describe so I would really suggest finding some quiet time in the day for yourself. Also, writing in a journal is really helpful for me because I can write all the mean things that I would never say to my partner. And once I’ve written them, I lose the desire to say them.
Caitlin
Eek! I’m so sorry. It sounds really awful and rough right now. It’s definitely a “get through” kind of thing. I think, as you said, the more used to Florida you get, the (slightly) easier it will be.
The fact you are recognizing the problems you guys are having is a good sign. And that you care enough to try to figure it out, even if it’s exhausting.
I want to echo what others have said. Thank you for sharing this with us. It definitely makes helps us to know that others go through things like this too. Hopefully it helps you to know that you inspire us.
Maggie
My husband and I moved from TN to TX to be closer to his family 3 years ago. I still wonder sometimes if we made the right move. It’s really hard to not look back. I remember, though, a quote I heard Will and Jada Smith say one time on a red carpet…That for every transition in life, you grieve for what you’ve lost, but can’t let yourself lose sight of the hope for what is yet to come. Hang in there!
MaryGene
Oh gosh! Yeesh, transition can be suuuuper tough. My husband and I moved 2 months after we got married and I’ve been unable to find a job for (gulp) 8 months!! I had an interview yesterday and I don’t have the official offer yet, but things are lookin’ up! Money’s been tight for a loooong time and it’s probably been one of the things we quibble about the most. But, you work through stuff and everything gets better with time. I know it sounds trite, but it’s true! Keep on, keepin’ on!
Tracy
Oh, I have been there! We have never moved cross-country, but we have been married for almost 8 years and have moved 4 times. Only once to a different state. It is very stressful to move! I would move again though if it got us back home to our family. Would it be hard to leave our lives here? Absolutely! But in the long-run I think it would be awesome for my daughter to grow up with her grandparents and cousins.
You did the right thing! Doing the right thing just isn’t always the easy thing.
Mrs. R
I know you have to be really stressed! Moving is not fun. Uncertainty can make one go insane! Couples will disagree or argue from time to time, but at the end of the day, look at what you have. He loves you, and you love him. You guys created the most precious gift in the world together. I know its rough right now, but believe me, it will get better! Hang in there!! <>
Diana
You’ve had so much going on in your life lately…packing for the big move, the bachelorette party, saying good-byes, actually moving and setting up a new home and getting ready for your sister’s wedding, all while taking care of little Bean! You and Chris are going through a very stressful time right now and it’s always easier to pick on those we love and are closest too…things will get better.
Jenn
I read something really interesting the other day about happiness. TO paraphrase, it basically said that as humans, we naturally try to predict the future and when those exact outcomes we envision in our heads don’t come to fruition exactly as we had planned them, we become disappointed which ultimately leads to unhappiness. The best we can do is stop trying to predict what the next year, month, or even week will look like and just enjoy what we have right now. And right now you, Chris, and Bean have each other and your family close by. You know that Chris has a job that will be starting soon (even if it’s not as soon as you’d like), so try to take comfort in that. Swallow your pride, kiss your husband, and go do something together outside of your house! Time always flies by and before you know it Chris will be back at work and you’ll be wishing he was at home to share these days with. It seems simple, but you must learn to appreciate what you have right now before you come to regret that, as well.
Kristin
Moving is hard and stressful – and I haven’t even done it with a husband or baby yet! However I am glad that you have such a great support system of family near by. And of course, you have your loyal readers like me who are pulling and praying for things to get better! You two will get through this, you’ll find a job, and things will smooth out, get stressful again, and smooth out again. Such is the ebb and flow of life. So go give Chris and your sweet Bean a hug and a kiss and hang in there!
Jennifer
“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecc. 3:1
Even though I cannot even begin to put myself in your shoes, know that I read your blog daily (In fact, I read it as much as I read Pioneer Woman!) and that I am offering up extra prayers on your behalf.
Being tired and stressed is never ever fun, but maybe what you and Chris need is a night out of fun…and leave Mr. Bean with a the grandparents — you can do that now that they are close! 🙂
Lots of prayers!
Christina
Agreed with all of the above. Some days, you just have to keep on keeping on. Good to know someone else reacts to stress the same way as me! Stay strong!
Katy
You’ll make it! Who wouldn’t hire you!?!?
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Oh man that does sound like a lot to be stressed about. 🙁 I’m sorry you guys are going through that.
Sounds like “not talking” is helping you both cope… even if it does eventually drive you crazy. (I have the exact same stress process you do.)
Despite the silent treatment and the fights, you two are in this together. And you will get through this. Sending you positive energy.
Mara
Hang in there!!! Moving is the sucks, even when it’s good. It’s been almost 2 years since we moved from Miami to New Haven, and I still second guess myself from time to time.
It will get easier. Everything will work out. And no matter how much you’re second guessing yourselves now, you’d be doing it ten times as much if Chris had passed up this opportunity and you had decided to stay in CT. You guys have made a great move for yourselves and your family, and when you look back on this difficult time, it will seem like a brief hiccup in a wonderful journey.
As my Chris always says to me, “This, too, shall pass.”
Hugs to all three of you!
lauren
the Lord wouldnt have sold your house and given Chris the job and laid out the rest of the timing if it wasnt His will for yall to be in this place! He knew the stress would come along with the joy! Hang in there as yall wait expectantly on the rest…and go eat a few Girl Scout cookies and chocolate bars while you wait 🙂
Christina
I know you have tons of comments to read but I wanted to just take the time to thank you for being so openly honest about your every day stressors instead of making your life sound picture-perfect in an un-perfect world. Thank you!
Now on to your post, I just want to send you big hugs through the Internet. I’m sure this is just a glitch in the road for you all. Things have been so busy for you with moving and unpacking and your sister’s wedding that now that things have (maybe)slowed down a bit it all probably seems overwhelming. Someone else mentioned just taking it day by day and I agree. I have also told myself to take it minute by minute to just get through my child’s recent auto immune disease. God will work things out perfectly the way he designed it. 🙂 I’ll keep you all in my prayers.
Bronwen
First comment ever on your blog! This post reminded me of when my family and I moved (from Toronto to Tallahassee, coincidentally), and my mother used to lie in bed at night and cry, because she missed our old house so much, and we had moved for her to take a great new job! She finally asked the people who had bought her house to please send her old bedroom curtains to Tallahasee – she had thought it would be a good plan to leave them in the old house, but she needed them more than she thought. It took us all a good year to settle down again. All this to say – moving is a giant giant transition, and it is surprising what is hard and what is easy. Best of luck!
Brina
First of all, thank you for being so candid! It’s so refreshing! Second, it took my husband two months to find a job after we moved to Orlando, and it pays much less than his job in Gulf Breeze. He’s still searching for a full time job here, but in the mean time is going back to school for his master’s. It was very tight for a while, and caused the same issues you described above (everything in your bold section). But life has a funny way of working out, and changes happened in my job that have changed our situation dramatically.
And, what part of Orlando are you living?? I hope nothing like that happens again. I know before our wedding I made three trips down here to find a rental house, and I looked in my share of ghetto neighborhoods before we found ours (Southeast Orlando, Curry Ford and Dean). Good luck with everything!
Ella
No words of wisdom here – just hoping things get better for you soon. You have had so much on your plate lately – moving, your sisters wedding and on top of that your Bean to look after – its no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed & stressed. I was thinking about how you said you are living in a bad area – i hope you dont mind me saying this but could you move in with your parents for a while? Its probably a really dumb idea – it could ease some of the financial pressure at the moment as well. Just a thought anyway.
courtney
One day you’ll be able to look back at this and see how it made you stronger. For now I know that it seems like there is no way this could possibly make you stronger. Even though I don’t know you or your situation personally, from what I’ve read I think you made the right choice about moving. Family is too important even if they sometimes add to the stress. Hang in there. Everyone has their rough patches, and you will get through this – together.
Jenni
I second what everyone has said before — thank you for your honesty. For what it’s worth, I read an article in the NYT today summarizing some scientific literature about happiness. The bottom line? Happiness is not so much about money but about the interpersonal relationships that enrich our lives. And although the move meant you are a little farther from your circle of friends in CT, you are now encompassed by your family and loved ones in FL, and the love between you and Chris will only get stronger in the midst of these challenges (and you’ll start talking to each other soon enough). What you did wasn’t easy, but I have no doubt that everything will work itself out before you know it.
Leah
I get it. We’re moving right now too. He’s there and I’m here. It sucks. Both of us completely understand how the other is feeling but neither of us thinks the other one understand what we’re going through. It leads to many frustrating conversations and the little time we’re together takes extra effort. It’ll get better, this is all very temporary (said to both you and myself).
Can it all be better that not only is PW going to WDW in May but I was reading through the comments to her blog and someone mentioned that she needs to look you up? They said something about Bean making her ovaries scream 🙂
EmilyC
I’ll be saying a prayer for you and hope you find peace during these trying times and joy in tomorrow. Hang in there!
Cindy
Kate, I love that you write about true life!!! It will all work out!
allison
I can relate to this post all too well. Just remember, it will all fall into place. This time of year makes me grumpy, too. Even us non-accountants get stressed during tax season! I can’t imagine how stressed I’d be if I up and moved my whole entire life. I give you a lot of credit for that. Connecticut is FLOODED right now…so add that to your list of reasons why you moved :).
Angela
It will get better!
Just try to make the best of the situation.
Life will work itself out.
..I love that quote at the end ” Proving every day that common sense has no place in a relationship”
Jenn
Thank goodness it’s not just us! I was recently added to the countless unemployed folks (not by choice) and it’s hit my self-esteem really hard. Add that to pregnancy hormones and general cranky/moodiness and you get a heck of a hard woman to live with. Even my dog gets mad at me sometimes. My husband has tried to comfort me (usually when I need to be alone) and tried staying out of my way (when I’d like a hug.) We’ve been back and forth about the budget (which could be a lot worse) and now I sometimes feel like I need to ask his freakin’ permission to buy Purex. It stinks. I hope this gets better soon! Good luck with yours!